Could you please comment on this introduction to a college essay for Boston College ?

[bosoxnm3]

My early childhood was ravished by epilepsy: seizure after seizure, hospital visit after hospital visit. These problems extended into the classroom; I spent most of my school days in special education classes up until the fourth grade. Now I am proud to say that these days are far, far behind me. After this terrible ordeal, which was especially hard on my parents, I learned a clear-cut valuable lesson in that no how dark or bleak a situation may be, perseverance and a strong support system could turn it right around. Furthermore, I know this lesson could help not only myself in the future but also my peers at Boston College.

I know there is many grammar errors in there. I haven't edited it at all.

[Roadkill]

I, too, am in the middle of writing my college apps essay, so I have gotten a lot of great advice. I think that you should start with an anecdote. A descriptive, detailed scene where you have experienced a seizure, or write how you were in the hospital and your parents worried about you. Then, go into how epilepsy affected you. But the intro above looks great too. Hope that helped!

[bab]

Sorry, but it's corny and trite--maybe for a bad state school but not BC.