Is there anyone out there?

[ttEINAHPETStt]

yea alittle needs alittle more.better words so actually reading this might be exciting and wanting someone to have more suspense. Its good but i dont know where you can publish it.

[tLaiz]

I admire the concept of the story, but you are going in the wrong direction as far as telling it.Don't be in such a rush to tell it. The opening was engaging (who doesn't wait for the final bell,) but describe the setting a little more. The opening is important for introducing the protagonist and other characters.From what I read, I noticed that you jump from idea to idea. Take your time and establish the settings of each scene. (I got lost after the school scene but I was able to manage.)I love the ending. How you wrote: "And that is where the dream began -- or should I say reality, and that is when you find out that this girl is me." Make the opening sequence seem more like a dream or not (if you want to surprise the reader.)Add a little more description and a few more characters to enhance the scenes. Also, make your style more mellifluous. Write with a style that flows from one scene to the next in order to keep the reader engaged.Other than those errors your story caught my attention.E-mail me if you need anymore help with your story.(I expect to see "Is There Anyone Out There" on the store shelves as a New York Times Bestsellers one day.)

[tttttt:tSEXYGIRLt:tttttt]

try putting it in the girls(your) point of veiw not the authors(yours)if you can understand what im saying