Should I talk to my gay girlfriend about her lack of PDA?

[Ivana T]

Ok well I'm bisexual and I have been dating a lesbian, we've been going out for about 3 months now and I've been realizing that she absolutely doesn't do PDA. When I asked her why she explained that she's scared of harassment. She's very obviously gay though, so people already know, but she practically never holds my hand or even touches me when we're in public at all. This bothers me on some level because I believe in being open and proud and also showing that my girlfriend is my girlfriend and important to me, not just one of my friends. She literally shows more affection to them than to me in public.
Now I'm not asking her to make out with me in public or anything but a hand over the shoulder or waist or just anything to show she's my girlfriend would be nice. It feels like she's ashamed to be gay.

I don't know what to do about this, should I just respect her wishes and lay off the hand holding or do I talk to her about it and explain that you can't go through life scared?

[lisa_swarn]

I understand where both of you are comming from. Talk to her about how you are feeling Suggest starting off with something simple like holding hands. When she starts to feel comfortable maybe she'll take it up a level and start holding you around the waist. If she doesn't then atleast she would have tried.

however, if she doesnt even want to hold hands in public and it obvious that she is gay then there might be something else thats the issue.

[pjbthree]

If you are a bi-guy dating a lesbian this will be impossible. But if you are awoman, then you need to at least express your feelings

[Whowantscakem]

That's your girlfriend's way of thinking, and her insecurity. She either has to overcome that scared feeling, or she will continue to do as she's been doing. Talk to her about being more loving/passionate in public, and see what happens. You can't change people.

[KayB]

well i think you should talk to her and explain yourself and how you feel about her because i think well you both should be expressive to some extent in public with out fear. (^_^)

[TheStellarProject]

Before you do anything you're going to have to answer the question: "Is your girlfriend openly gay?" I mean... has she publicly admitted, to her family at the most that she is a lesbian?

If the answer is "Yes", then you really do have to make her snap out of it. If she can proclaim to the people who matter most to her, then she can proclaim that fact to the rest of the world. No matter if they stab her in the back or give her weird looks, or, yes, even harrass her; they don't really matter to her. Not in the long run, anyway. But that's another story.

But if she's still a closet lesbian, then you're going to have to deal with it until she comes out of her own volition. I applaud you for your openness as regards your orientation, but you're going to have to understand that not all gay people are like you. Most of them are quite scared to come out, and who can blame them? You should know by now that society as a whole is not kind to homosexuals. Affection is affection, wherever you show it. It's not the end of the world if you don't kiss in public. You'll get your kisses, anyway.

Also, it's wrong to compare affection shown to friends and affection shown to boyfriends/girlfriends, especially in your case. Affection towards friends usually comes in the form of a hug or a handshake or, in some cultures, a kiss on the cheek. Affection towards significant others usually consists of hugs and all sorts of kisses, not just on the cheek. Unless, of course, your girl gives them tongue as well. LOL just kidding. Don't hurt me! *hide*

Anyway, good luck! Hope things work out all right between you and your girl.

[Riverotter7 4DaBenDan]

Leave her be, Dear One. I know in this day of PDA that you really would like a little touch on the shoulder or hand, but some days it takes a person more courage to do that than you realize. My Best Beloved didn't start to do that until much later in our marriage (27 years now) and now she does it in public whether *I* want it or not! (blush)
Give her the space to grow accustomed to get used to being with you. Let her know that you're there for her and smile at her encouragingly. I think that will help her more than you think. Good luck and bless you both.

[Buzz]

I can relate with her it would make me uncomfortable too. Get over it. It a personal preference of hers that you will learn to have to deal with. Maby she is not comfortable with her sexuality yet. I can see your frustration because you want to show her off and let everyone know she is yours, but the fact that she shows no PDA does not mean shes not your girl.

[chromedome]

I n some places it is still very unsafe to be gay in public.May be she has had some bad experiences. Give her time. She will come around when she is ready.