Is my story good? Im writing a book and need feedback.?

Isabelle

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Jun 12, 2008
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Chapter 1
"We have to get her out of here." A voice said. It was distant to her ears.The world she was in existed only in her mind, and she was stuck in it. For how long was unknown. But she began to feel something, warm and gentle. The voices were growing, closer, she was coming out of her dreamless sleep.
"Wake her up we have to go! Shes going to come back to check and if shes missing..." I females voice, caring and sweet.
"We will! Just be patient, if were not gentle we could mess something up." Said another, a males. Something came in contact with her skin, on her neck she could feel its cool surface rest on her. She wanted to see what it was, who these people were. Her eyes seemed glued shut, unwilling to part. She wanted nothing more than to escape her mind, she had been there for a while. Unaware of where she was or how to get out. The lonely emptiness brought her emotions out, the sadness that she would be stuck like this forever. Never waking and never dreaming. Simply stuck in damned world of nothing. Something warm welled up in her eyes, slipping free from the corners.
Tears.
"Here you hold this I will be on look out." He said. The pressure left her for just a moment before being replaced.
Her eyes fluttered open. The hard surface she was laying on was uncomfortable. A figure stood over her, a towering sillhouette she couldnt make out.
"Shes coming to!" The females voice called in delight.
"Good. Keep it up." The males voice called. The cool thing against her neck was pressed just a little harder. She blinked rapidly, the tears started to fade away and the figure was becoming a person. The one standing above her face must be the female. She had blood red hair that spilled past her shoulders. Her features started coming into focus. Her eyes were a lovely blue violet, her lips were curved into the smallest rosy colored smile. Her shirt was a black tank top and her pants skinny jeans, tucked into combat boots.
"Iris?" The girl asked. She remained silent, her mouth was parched and her tongue refused to formulate words.
"Who?" She croaked. The girl placed her arm underneath her head and slowly lifted her upright. She was sitting in a cave, water dripped from cracks in the ceiling and a she had been laying on a stone alter. Torches were laid on the walls, just barely denting the darkness. The girl reached into a brown messanger bag and grabbed out a water cantine for her. The girl expertly flicked the top off and lifted it to her lips. She inhaled the sweet liquid, hydrating her throat and bringing her voice back to life. The girl pulled it away from her lips and she coughed to get rid of the permanent bitter taste in her mouth. She looked down to see she was covered in a white flowing gown, a light silk that faded into periwinkle at the bottoms of the shredded edges.
"Are you alright?" The girl asked, a concerned look in her violet eyes.
"Where am I?" She asked.
"You're in the cave that Margolio trapped you in." The girl said.
"Oh. Who is that? And who are you?" She said. Her thin eyebrows furrowed and she frowned at this girl.
"Oh god. This is worse than we thought. Jack!" The girl called behind her. A boy stepped out from behind the girl to look at her. He had deep brown hair that grew right to his eyebrows, and dark blue eyes like a stormy sea. He looked her up and down in disbelief. He had a gray T-shirt on and a black leather jacket on.
"Whats wrong?" He asked the red headed girl.
"She doesn't remember Margolio or us." She said worriedly looking between them. The one who was presumablly called Jack looked at her. His face drained of all color when he saw the distant confused look in her eyes.
 
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