Does Avoiding Gossip at Work Make People Dislike You and See you as Self Rightous?

[Bethanie]

I work in a hostile environment and all my coworkers are women. I was hired about 4 months ago along with 2 other girls. There seems to constantly be an environment off gossip, disagreements and everyone trying to point out everyone's mistakes to make themselves look good. I have avoided this and pretty much stay to myself. Now I am cordial and friendly but do not get into the drama and fights. My supervisors complimented me on my pleasant attitude with customers. However the manager of my office seems to have a problem with me. I do not see her very often as she is tucked away in her office but she is always staring at me and looking at me weird. Some of the other co-workers kiss up to her and bring her lunch and act like the world revolves around her and I treat her polite and respectful but not to the point of kissing booty, lol

Like yesterday I was organizing some books and she kept walking past me wanting me to speak to her. I have no problem speaking to her or saying a quick hello but this lady just acts like the queen of england at times. I am guessing I get treated this way because I avoid the gossiping the ladies at my workplace do. I have no problem respecting my boss and being cordial but she acted like I had to speak to her first before she could speak to me. I have also noticed that it seems like one of my coworkers who i talk with more frequently is always trying to ask about my personal life. I sometimes think some of the ladies who are curious about me use this girl as a way to get info.
i dont gossip because i know eventually it will get someone fired and it also makes people not trust you
lol, i didn't know that it was protocol for the queen to speak first.

Yeah, i find it out that she would do that, she kept walking past me clearing her throat and then i finally figured what she wanted, lol.

the thing is that they people who do things for her, she still treats them crappy

[fluffernut]

Clearing of the throat say, "Excuse me you seem to have a throat problem, I have some throat lozenges that might help." If it seems like she's trying to get you to talk to her, "Oh Ms. XXX, I'm not good with small talk, I prefer to concentrate on my job. Is there something you need from me?" Of course "Good morning (name) is necessary as well as a Good evening if she's around.

As to the personal information request, "I lead a very dull life, no use boring you with it....and then get her talking about something." You can be a good listener and not reveal much about yourself. So be pleasant, sit with others if asked, smile, interact but keep your private life private.

A friend recently said something I though profound, "For years we've heard about bullies in school. What happens to them? They become bullies in adult life making people's lives miserable." She was talking specifically about an office manager and how that person transformed a plesant place to work into a hell hole.

[Erik]

If your boss is staring at you and looking at you weirdly, then you should find ways to speak to her, just in case you aren't imagining it.

Maybe whenever you talk to her about something, finish by asking, "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Maybe she will eventually say what's on her mind. That particular question also has the advantage of showing you care about her needs, and allowing you to find out how to be useful, so it should be good for your job security.

About the gossip: small amounts of office socializing are actually good for worker moral. Don't be afraid to be social, but gossip about celebrities instead of coworkers (as you pointed out, gossip can be dangerous).

[tetlitea]

If your boss wants a little attention then give her some. General pleasantries should be enough. Talk about general things and pop culture. I understand not wanting to get personal at work. Give them a few bones to chew on, like going to a movie with your sister, going shopping with your mom, etc. If you feel that the girl you are friendly with is telling them everything then try something out on her only and see who ends up knowing about it.

Just remember this is only a job and work is not your life. Staying out of the fray is best and you seem to be doing well with this.

[allan]

In that kind of environment, you have to play the game.
I know exactly what you're going through. Everyone in everyone else's business as it seems that's what every lives for. As for me, I had to agree to meet with everyone for Karaoke and beers after work. When I didn't, I was an outcast.

Play the game. Include yourself in ways that does not compromise your position and keep minimum the bad talk. If anything, make fun but no bad mouthing if you can help it. When it comes to yourself and your home life, keep things to a minimum and up beat.

For the manager, bring in a coffee especially for her from Starbucks. If it is wrong, no matter. Hahaha good luck.