How can I become the Christian I want to be?

[KaitlynSue]

For the last few months, its been a miracle if I get at least five hours of sleep. why may you ask? well, lately, every time I try to go to sleep, I feel... guilty I guess you could say. normally I would pray about it and try to fix what ever I've done but lately, I just couldn't bring myself to pray. I feel... almost ashamed to ask for help like I didn't deserve it.

It all started when I went to try out a new church and the preacher was talking about how the holy spirit was disgusted by the way we act and treat other people (I'm a southern Baptist btw). at fist, I was going to use the knowledge and better myself but soon, it only made me feel more and more guilty. soon, I just felt really far away from god. I've tried praying a few times but it only seems to make me feel worse. :P I just haven't been the person that I use to be so proud of being. It doesn't help that the one person I am soposta feel comfortable asking for spiritual advice is 'disgusted' at me. (holey spirit)

so the real question is, how can I bring myself closer to god? is their a book I can read or some tips you can give me? I know I could 'read' the bible but its too confusing and I probably wouldn't be able to comprehend what its trying to say. I would ask a pastor or someone like that but I haven't found a church that I like yet. I have Christian friends I could ask but they are a bit (really) hypocritical. I would talk to my mom or my best friend about it but.. I just moved over the summer and my new best friend is a atheist and my mom is too judgmental at times. so the only thing I can resort to right now is the internet... so please. all advice is well appreciated. I don't care if its judgmental its better than asking someone I actually know for their judgmental advice.

I don't know... am I even making any sense? am I over thinking this?

[DrDeanCrosby]

I don't think its possible to even analyze your problem from the brief description you provide let alone offer you meaningful advice.It will necessary for you to consult with a Christian counselor.

[LIKEAPRAYER]

the prayer is a way to get closer to God

[George]

This might be a good time to stop being a Christian

[IAmLordAbEl]

katey god loves you and will listen to a pure heart.ask and he will give even forgiveness

[Karl]

Prayer and worship always bring us closer to Jesus and God. You do not mention Jesus' name above, we must use it or we get in trouble like this you say you are in.
Jesus help me is what you need to pray and keep praying. Then learn and apply all of the word of God you can to your life. As you learn more apply it to your life and it doing so you will grow in Christ and be more like Jesus.
bless you.