Basically, I have a lot of friends and my relationships with them is based on me making them laugh and little on actual conversation. As you can imagine, this leads to a lot of problems (for me) as I, like every other human, am not always funny. This makes me feel pressured to try and say more funny things in an attempt to make them laugh, and when I don't manage to, I start to get worried (and sometimes anxious) and want to leave my friends because I don't want them to somehow 'realize' that I am not funny and start to not like me. Also, I prefer being seen as funny and a "different type" of friend to normal friends. I don't know why; don't judge me lmao.

And I know for sure that my friends REALLY, REALLY like me. I see it through acts of kindness, sincere care, gestures and when they tell me how much I mean to them. Maybe my friendship with them is "perfect" for them, but it isn't perfect for me as I constantly worry what the next funny thing I have to say is. Somehow I've managed to last my friendships with these friends for a very long time, but as I'm growing up (15 onto 16), it's not as funny any more.

I'm a boy who's bisexual/gay and all of my friends are girls except for my cousin. The only "normal" friendship I'd say I have is with my male cousin. Why? I don't worry that I have to be funny, heck I don't even have to be; it doesn't even cross my mind. I can go hours without speaking to him and not feel worried that he may be feeling different about me (as is this case when I stop talking/being silly/funny for more than 30 seconds with my female friends).


How the heck do I get my friendship to "normal" mode; where it is okay to not be talking or trying to be funny constantly without being worried that they will think you're actually different from what they started to like you for?