Im trying to recover from anorexia, and i get this perception of being fit and healthy from time to time. but its almost like one minute i want to be fit and slightly muscular and toned, and the next i just want to be stick thin. which is a big problem as im gaining weight which either makes me exited for my recovery and getting out of this hell hole, or it makes me depressed to see my thigh gap is half its size and im not skinny anymore. My doctor says i shouldnt lose weight once im better because it could lead to a relapse but can i lose weight healthily after im better? please i was happier when i was 5'3 and 98 lbs im 106 lbs now and i just feel like utter shit. I dont know what to do, im trying so hard to stay happy but i cant keep pretending im happy when im actually so upset with this.