Any good jokes? Need laughter?

[Robert]

I'm very very depressed right now and I need some one to make me laugh

Tell me a funny joke or quote

[Foxie913]

Little Girl: "Mummy why do I keep turning in circles?"
Girl's Mother: "Shut up or I nail your other foot to the floor"

[PerryUtah]

“Who wants to see me mount Rudolf?”

[jana]

So this lumber jack goes into town, and a salesman sells him a chainsaw, tells him he can cut 50 trees per day with it! The lumber jack takes the chainsaw out to the forest and starts cutting trees.
The next day, disgusted, he returns to the store and tells the salesman the darn thing doesn't cut any more trees than he could cut with his ax, and demands his money back!!!
The salesman grabs the cord and gives it a pull, the saw comes on loud and strong.
The lumber jack says:

"What's that noise??"