My wife is cold, but my kids are young. Should I have an affair or get divorced?

[AF]

I really encourage you to take the time to romance he again, like you did before you were married. It is really hard with kids for a mom to "get in the mood" Instead meeting another woman at some hotel, why not take your wife to one? From experience I can tell you it works. If you take the effort and trouble to get a sitter for the kids and clear your schedule (and hers) to surprise her with a night out at a hotel, she will love it. Start with a nice dinner out and then a romantic movie in the room. Room service for breakfas and you guys will not want to leave. For all the money and trouble to have an affair or a divorce--the cost of doing this once a month is well worth it.Also see the link below. A fantastic book titled : His Needs, Her Needs will help, too.Remember, for a woman it is about the romance, the gentleness.

[a k]

Hi mozarti think sunshnes answer is the best one..young children are hard on your own relationship but it gets easier as they get older...try love notes under the pillow..etc...or flowers are always a winner..good luck..

[ANewCreation]

Do you love her? If not, then do yourself and her and the kids a big favor and get on with your life by divorcing.Having an affair is a major stupid idea. You think you've got problems now??? Believe me they'll more than triple if you bring your sex-women into your life who shouldn't be there while you're married.However, you don't want to wake up one day and realize you're all old and have missed out on a loving, sexually intimate marital relationship. And the kids have missed out on having two happy parents who love and want to be with each other. If you do love her, go on that 'libido enhancing' vacation and see what happens. Maybe do that first, then see if it improves things. And if not, then go with my first answer. Good luck.

[aheartsobig]

Guy, if you cheat on your wife, you are a loser, so cheating is out. Also, you will hurt your children more if you get caught cheating. It sounds like your wife needs to go to counseling on her own along with counseling with you. It sounds like she has problems to deal on her own along with problems in your marriage. You might want to try to woo her again. Find someone to take care of the kids. Plan a whole day of things to get closer to her but don't try to get intimate. Plan a couple of dates like this, and see if she doesn't try to jump your bones. God bless.

[Agirle]

That is a truly hard decision to make. Have you tried that vacation idea of hers yet? Maybe leave the kids with the grandparents and get away for a week. No work, no stress. It might help. All couples though go through periods where there is a lot of intimacy and periods where there is none at all. I'd say that since you have 3 kids, there's probably been a lot of intimacy before.But maybe you should take the time away also for you. For you both to rediscover why you married each other. Do you still love her? Sometimes a big part of if we choose to be intimate with someone depends a lot on how much we are enjoying that person's company. Especially long lasting intimacy. If they speak to our mind. If we laugh and have fun around them. If we feel cared for. A lot more is involved than people choose to think.Maybe she's right. Maybe she needs to get away from those kids she desperately wanted. All mom's need a break. Women need to feel attractive. Hard to do that at 10pm after a long draining day at work and little ones hollaring and tugging at you. Stress can put her out of the mood. If I were you, I'd try getting away, even just for the weekend, just the two of you. Do something spontaneous for her. Something romantic to make her feel like you're not harping on her to put out.Feeling like you "have" to do something often makes people not "want" to do it. You don't want your married life to have the same feeling as taking out the trash does. I would say give her a chance and give you two some time. Especially if all your children are very small, she's probably feeling run down. And it may not take just one outing together to make her come back into your arms. You may need to repair a lot of bad feelings with a lot of good experiences. Marriage is work. Hang in there and be strong for a while longer. Treat her like you did when you were trying to win her in the first place. Women often have a hard time expressing what it is they want from you.Especially when there are children involved, you need to try as hard as you can for them. Fight for it as long as you can. I'm sorry you're in this situation. Its not easy. When I left my ex we had no children. One day I realized at a touch that there was nothing there at all. I held my ex's hand and said "you don't love me... do you?" and there was no response at all. I nodded "okay". I packed up and was gone in the week. And I spent two years grieving over it. Like you, we'd been to counsilors. Three of em. I fought as hard as I could. There does come a point where if the other person doesn't love you anymore, that you need to leave. For yourself. For your own heart. Your own sanity. (Do you know if she does? Have you asked her? Told her you loved her?)But you're a father. I was not. And divorce is hard on children. It doesn't mean that you should stay if you truly can't. Just don't have an affair. Don't cheapen yourself and who you are. Give your marriage another shot and if no matter how hard you fight, you can't win her back to you. Then you can at least walk away knowing that you had done everything in your power. And you were a good husband. If you're thinking that by having an affair you can ease yourself and still stay married, I'd say you're in for a rough ride should she find out. She'll file for divorce and take your children from you. You don't want that. You also probably don't want to "feel" like you would if you did something like that. It can haunt you. Make you paranoid.That's where the saying comes that if he's accusing her of having an affair, odds are it is because he has had one and is now paranoid. Don't do it. Nothing good can come of it. A little bedroom satisfaction isn't worth the rest of your life. I do know this much... the person that files first is the person that looks like the aggrieved party and has a better shot at keeping majority custody of their children. You're in a bad situation and you need to think about what would happen if you had an affair and she found out. Or what would happen if things came to a divorce, especially if she filed first. Any way that you go, if you stay and fight, if you have an affair, if you get a divorce... you're looking at a really rocky road. Choose wisely, and most importantly, be a good father.Edit: I was reading the other reponses and someone mentioned something I totally forgot about that was very clever. Has she seen a doctor? Things can go wrong physically that remove the sex drive as well. Maybe a check up couldn't hurt either. Look into all possibilities first.

[ANonnyMouse]

It sound's like you are in a no win situation you want that happy ever after and you aren't going to get it here, you deserve to be happy too. It really will hurt your children in the long run if they grow up in a household with out love. You should talk to your wife and tell here you deserve more and are will get a divorce if she isn't willing or can't work with you. You are faced with a very hard decision to make give it all the time it takes until you are sure it is what you want.

[A A]

hey we r in the same boat.only thing my husband gets cold in five ten mins.im alwys left to' fend' for myself.he thinks there's nothing wrong in the marriage.i too stay together just for my kid n he wont give me an easy divorce.i haven't got around to having an affair but temptation is there.good luck and let me know if u find any good solution..

[ABlackEclipse]

Dear Mozart, How about showing her this posting? Or have her look int getting some Viagra? I here it's good for women too. Hugs,PennyAnn