Can ay\nyone help me?

[tJustinet]

i need to write an essay about the purpose of education other than enabling people to get better paying jobs! can somone help me out start out the first introduction paragraph? the question says1) start by briefly introducing the importance of education2) explain what needs of the individual and community are met by education3)indicate HOW education meets the needs you deserved in #2i need at least 100 words can you proofread my work and tell me what I did wrong or what should be added thanksEducation is not only important to get a better paying job. Education is important so that people will know what they can and can't do. People with education are better equipped to handle unjust circumstances. They will be better equipped to make decisions that will help them get further in life without depending solely on a few people or the government. When you have an education you can make decisions on how to spend your own money and not have to answer to another person on how you will handle your money. When people are not educated then the government or other fractions will be able to come in and take over their lives. People with out education will also believe what others tell them because they will not of the ability to think for themselves. People without education are more prone to become victims because they aren't aware of their own rights. Start their or at least use some of those points. You can also talk about things like the civil war and how the slaves weren't allowed an education, or places in which the countries are war torn an poverty is a prevalent problem because they don't have an education and that is your most important resource in handling you problems.

[tz@@h]

I don't know what grade you're in, but make sure not to use the 2nd person tense "you" or "your." It isn't formal. Use "one" or "a person" or "people."For example:"People can also talk about things like the civil war and how the slaves were not allowed an education...."Also, don't use contractions in essays. Use "are not" instead of aren't. Use "were not" instead of weren't. It's informal.The use of they is too indirect, who is they? Use people.