Is this a good introduction paragraph to my essay about "Cell phones should be banned in school?"?

ttEINAHPETStt

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Is this a good introduction paragraph to my essay about "Cell phones should be banned in school?"?

“Put that cell phone away!” You hear that phrase mostly everyday in the classroom. Today, instructors have to ask students to put their cellular phones back into their bags and pay more attention to class. This begins to affect the learning environment in the classroom since it causes a lot of distractions. Students not only creating distraction from the cell phone, they also like to take pictures of random people with the built in camera. Some people do not like to have their pictures taken, but nevertheless students misuse these features and invades others privacy. Students that talk or text too much on their phone can cause themselves serious health damages. Therefore cell phones should be banned in school.Can you help me to make it better or give me some tips and advices? My main points are distraction, provacy, and health damages
 
Is this a good introduction paragraph to my essay about "Cell phones should be banned in school?"?

“Put that cell phone away!” You hear that phrase everyday in the classroom. Today, instructors have to tell students to put their cellular phones back into their bags and pay more attention to class and this affects the learning environment in the classroom since it causes a lot of distractions. Students not only create distraction with a cell phone, they also like to take pictures of strangers with the built-in camera. Some people do not like to have their pictures taken, but nevertheless students misuse these features and invade others' privacy. Students that talk or text too much on their phone can cause themselves serious health damages.The mention of someone taking a picture of a person who does not want a picture taken immediately makes this paragraph turn into a personal opinion. Even if it hasn't happened to you, it certainly sounds like it and certainly sounds like it was the reason that sparked you to write this.Distraction is a good point, privacy a little less so, but health damages I don't understand at all. What study has shown that texting or talking can hurt you? Unless you have more elaborate examples, better than the ones in your first paragraph, I suggest changing the whole idea of the essay to not just "cell phones should be banned" to "cell phones should be banned because they are a distraction, including kids texting in class (a new form of note passing), playing games (a new form of doodling and not paying attention), and of deliberately leaving the classroom (to "go to the bathroom") to talk on the phone with friend(s) and missing important classroom instruction time.
 
Is this a good introduction paragraph to my essay about "Cell phones should be banned in school?"?

this is an introduction?an introduction is suppose to be a short and concise paragraph introducing your thesis.your "introduction" sounds more like a body paragraph with a concluding sentence at the end.
 
Is this a good introduction paragraph to my essay about "Cell phones should be banned in school?"?

wow that pretty good like it maybe but in it can also disstract others from learning too by people sending them texts
 
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