Do you have a "Toxic" Mother?

S

stephen l

Guest
My Mother is extremly toxic and loves causing trouble amoungst us. She is always causing big family arguments. I cant trust her around my family or childern... how do I cut off emotionaly without resentment?

If you have a toxic parent let me know...
 
awkward silence, dont talk to her unless you have to and always give the simplest answer when she asks questions. never call her and when you do this use the silent treatment and Always be busy when she asks to come over to visit.
 
no but my mother-in-law is..she starts sh!t all the time...makin up stories to tell the other kids to get them mad at us..its BS i hate that woman
 
My wife has a VERY "toxic" parent.

How we deal with it, is that we limit the amount of time we spend with her and how involved we allow her to be with our lives.

We're not mean about it. We just say that we're young (just starting out in the world) and that we need time to be with our own family.
 
Wow. You seriously need to talk to a phyc doc about this. This isn't something you can take advise off the internet with. Cause a wrong move can have devisating effects. The doc will be able to assess who you will be able to handle each method and if you in fact should cut her off.....

Good luck!
 
My mom is Psycho. no, for real, this lady has issues. she and I just stopped talking. I realize that you can't always just stop talking, stop communicating, but that was the only to make sure that she didn't continue to ruin my life. I hope you resolve everything!!
 
No but my aunts are especially with gossip it still amazes me that these are suppose to be my elders you know people i look up too. but its impossible they are no better than highschool girls that gossip. You can just remove yourself from the situation like if she starts causing trouble politley walk away or change the subject she will catch what youre trying to say if not then shes just rude and does not care about how you feel. No one needs that from anyone.
 
i just dont go visit her or call her. she is lucky to hear from me once in 3 months but that is if i decide on answering her calls. my siblings always tell me how she is mad at me but hey, they too have the choice to not answer her calls. she always plays us siblings against each other and by me not keeping in touch, i am out of the play. UGH! no wonder y my dad drank so much!
 
I have a wonderful mother, but my best friend's mother in law is just what you are describing.

MY advice is to cut back on visits and phone calls until there really aren't any. There's really no way to go about it without resentment. You might have to be frank with her. It's a lot to SAY, so maybe write a letter.
 
I have a wonderful mother- i am sorry for you. Have you ever tried telling her what she does is making you not want her in your life anymore....?
 
i know what you mean but my mothers moren intoxicating
 
I would write a letter to her explaining exactly why you think she is toxic. Ask her to remove herself from her life until she works on being a more positive person. It might be your mother but no one needs such negativity in their lives.
 
Well,
I guess you'd ask her what is going on, if its a serious mental problem, tell someone. If its that she's just angry, maybe instead of going to see her as often, call her to see how she is before jumping into anything. If you live with her, talk to her only when necessary. I guess the rest is up to you.
 
Good question, I think people have been trying to figure out that answer for generations. The problem is that if you try to cut her off she will make your life worse. She likes the attention and the drama, makes her feel in control or powerful. She will probably force your resentment in the things she will do. It is so hard to deal with a parent like this, I know. Best thing to do is never tell her anything important, slowly make it longer and longer before you call her. If you slowly wean her, she is less likely to figure out what you are doing. In the mean time, act like anything she says doesn't bug you. Then go home afterwards and vent, but don't let her see you. Then you have the power, not her.
 
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