Should I feel sympathy for a woman who complains about her husband's traits...

[$0e02REMAINS]

...that she KNEW he had all along? Feel free to substitute the various relationship roles (man, wife, boyfriend, baby mama, etc.....).

I mean, wasn't it your choice to get involved? You didn't really expect your partner to change, did you?

[BabeHart]

You feel however you feel...personally, I would not have sympathy for someone who got involved with someone who had traits they knew they didn't like and then stayed with that person but complained about it...

[LindaB]

You better be prepared to accept your partner lock, stock and barrel for who they are....It pretty much is what you see is what you get....If you marry someone expecting to change them....you are going to pretty much be disappointed...people can change slightly, but I believe that they are not going to vary greatly from the person that they are in the here and now....
And should you feel sympathy for a woman who complains about her husband's traits that she knew he had all along...??? Keep it to a minimum....

[xcrewgal]

I guess aside from the occasional, light teasing - talking about your marriage is probably a faux pas.

I think dating is the time to really have talks with girlfriends about the guy's pros and cons and get their advice on it. Once you decide to marry though, yes you've made your choice and should "lay in your bed".

I'm engaged and am making the transition from talking to my girlfriends about a lot of personal things, to keeping a lot of it within my relationship. Some people don't learn to do this I guess.

It's up to you how you want to handle it. You don't need to be mean, but maybe just say "you know I'm here to talk with you when you need a friend, but it does make me a little comfortable talking about our marriages"

[Whatm]

Yes you should because people make mistakes, and you are not perfect and you will make one as well and you will want other people to hear you out.

[jnjmommy]

Totally and 100 percent agree. All the things that he does that go under the "for worse" column is honestly not that big of a deal. I have basically learned that with my husbands traits sometimes I just have to roll with it and not become so frustrated. I try to find what works so I don't become naggy and he doesn't end up tuning me out. Example...I'm very into interior decorating and d-i-y projects..but sometimes I get to a project that requires stuff like sawing or a nail gun. Instead of waiting for days on end to get to what I asked him to do I just ask him to show me how to use something then I do it myself. I learn something new, stay off my husbands case AND whatever I wanted done gets done. Every ones happy.

[Spooni]

If a woman marries a man that she knows is a serial cheater or a woman beater and he told her so and that he would never stop and she married him anyway, it's difficult to have any sympathy for her. Also makes you wonder if she has some psychological issues that would make her go through with getting married to such a guy. But more often than not, it's simply a situation where a woman either refuses to see the truth that is right in her face or she's in denial. Or she thinks he'll change. So, yeah, really difficult to be sympathetic to a woman in that situation.

[Unregistered]

Yes if you want to have sex with her and be the one she complians about, No is the smarter answer for the smarter person

[TriciaG]

I agree with you. I always get thumbs down when I write that people volunteer for their spouse's poor traits. They knew about those traits and chose to stay.

It always cracks me up when someone writes about how poor she feels about herself because her husband has a porn addiction. Uh, if his level of porn viewing was unacceptable while they were dating, why did she continue to date him instead of choosing to have a husband whose porn viewing (or whatever vice/habit/activity/job) was beyond her tolerance level?

To me it seems like so many women will put up with anything just to have and keep a man that once they have that double diamond ring on their finger, they open their eyes and realize what they signed up for for life.