What you think of my poem? please?

A

ArlissK

Member
Feb 25, 2008
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Uswe have been throw itthe friendship and now....now i want moreneed moreyou leave me breathless and sadand when you come back so does...my hopes, dreams, and happinesswhat is this, i feel?is it love?i know i love you as a friendbut if more, i don't knowall i know is that i miss you and need youeven throw we can't be you know you will always be my.......BABYor is this 1 betteri love as a friendi lust for your sexy body and smileyou know you give me that HUGE rushand it drives me crazyi do have a crushbut when i look in your eyes every dissapperas and thenthen............theirs only uswhich poem is better? the 1st one or the 2nd one?the frist one is supposted to be sad it is sad that we can't be together. and don't ask why!!!Is This True Love, i think not but what you think?
 
Your not a poetAnd don't we all know it??????????????????
 
hmmm impossible love. as for content: friendship, love and lust. sounds like a winner.... i guess the 2nd one because it at least doesnt sound like its impossible, so that makes it happier. the 1st one sounds lovely but sad. but theyre both very nicely expressed
 
1st one. the second is armature. you should look up free-lance poetry.. Knowing the definition will help it become better. it reminds me of mine in a way... Why?Why do I long for you?Why does my heart sing a song to you?Why do I wish with all my might,That you were mine each and every night? Why do I wish I could feel your hands? Giving me pleasure that never ends?Why do I want us to be so close,That I can feel you breathing though your nose?Why do I feel like you’re a part of me?And nothing can separate us, Not land, not sea,Why do I want you so bad?Why do you drive me mad?Why are u in all my dreams?Why does you touch give my hearts wings?Why? Why?I’ve always wondered why,Why every time I look in your eyes,I see the reflection of every tear that I’ve cried.Merci
 
1st 1 for a shy and dreamy mood..... 2nd one 4 a sexy and daring mood.. wat i'm sayin is it depends on ur mood and how he will feel when he recieves tha poem
 
i luv it!it explains every part of a girls life!tht was awesome!keep writing girl!
 
you can't spell, you can't rhyme, you don't understand the different poetry formats>>thus these are not poems. i felt like i was reading a note that i'd find in the hall at my highschool...only dumber
 
first line..i think you mean.."through" sixth line.."so do" 12th "if it's"//third form bottom..."though"second 1"sexy body" and "huge rush" and "crush" just dont do it 4 a love poem...3rd line from bottom..."every dissapperas"?? everything disappears i think you mean..last line.."their"..should be "there's "...listen grammar REALLY IS IMPORTANT when your medium ( the choice of material you use in your art) is words..think about itbut they are both nice..sorry to be critical..butu it DOES matter when you feel THAT strong but you are creating so go for it.
 
i like your poems there good. first one better dont like it when girls talk about sexy bodies on guys its realy annoying.
 
wow both r really deep and well written very wonderful and lusty peoms
 
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