I've become a weak person because of him.. suggestions?

N

Nicky A

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Ive posted many questions about my situation before. Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I met him my first year of college (I am 2.5 hours away from home, he's only 20 min from his home). My freshmen year was fun, I made a lot of friends. The second year of college, I drifted away from my friends and hung out with only him. I think I got too dependent on him. He is still involved with his family and friends from high school, he tries to include me, but I always feel left out. In a sense, he's become my everything, and I think it's caused me to become a bad person towards him. I always had big dreams to move and travel the world, but now I feel like I couldn't do it without him. I graduate next year. I also could live at home this summer or at my college town. Part of me wants to live at my college town to be with him, the other part feels I should go home. He doesn't understand why I get dependent on him, he thinks it's stupid, and I'm too needy. I havent grown as much as I wish.At school he has his family, his high school buddies, a job, and me, whereas i only have school and him. I need some guidance because I don't want to waste my life. I don't even know who I am anymore without him, and we do love each other. I feel like if I lost him I'd have nothing at all. He's the closest person to me, and only main person in my everyday life. I don't want to ruin my last summer/ my senior year of college, how do I make the most of it? I have the opportunity to intern at my college town this summer too, but Im afraid if I stay at my college town I will become too dependent on him again and it will be too much for him to handle.I do have the opportunity to intern at my college town though.
 
i think you already know what you should do. go live your dream and dont worry about a serious relationship for a couple of years.
 
You should try going home so you can find yourself and force yourself to be someone without him. He does not define you and he shouldn't so you need to think about whats good for you first. then he can come into the big picture. I bet he will be proud of you for doing whats best for you
 
I didn't read all your post, but want to comment.You've not become weak because of him. Youv'e become weak because its what you've allowed yourself to become because of him. You make choices, we all do. The saying is true, people treat you the way you allow them to treat you in life. Quit allowing it, and people will treat you the way you want to be treated. I demand respect I get respect, nothing less. See how that works? You let people walk all over you, guess what, they'll keep walking.
 
Go home for the summer. This relationship sounds like it is doomed
 
Been there, done that! Love yourself first. Its okay to love others but sometimes you gotta walk away! Create distance that way you cna learn more about you than him!which in the long run is very beneficial
 
because of him??? saying it like that makes it sound as if you blame him, whn in reality your situation is completely your own doing. I suggest you go home this summer and put some distance between you to regain yourself & get into therapy to work on your dependency issues.
 
make more friends, go do whatever it was you did before him. Take trips home, hang out with old friends. You need to stop being so clingy, it might also be very tiresome for him too. Mainly you need to stop for yourself. This summer, go home for a while, while you are there decide where you will live the rest of the summer. If you can at least.
 
I think it's good you can see you have issues. The sooner you deal with them, the better.You have your life ahead of you....So be brave, and get to know yourself better! Please consider going to counseling or therapy. You need to understand why you have let him become so important in your life..and then do things to detach yourself from him. You cannot grow if you define yourself through him. Don't waste these wonderful years of your youth, because trust me- they fly by! And before you know it---you are middle-aged and when you look back and see that you wasted a lot of precious time you feel so sad! If you had dreams of travelling and doing things, focus on them and make them come true! Your life is yours, to be lived as you see fit.A big tree can never grow to be strong and tall if it is always under another one's shadow. Good luck.
 
I agree with many others here - you allowed this to happen to yourself. It is not his issue. It is yours. In fact, if I were him, I'd be trying to peel you off my person and run for the hills. You sound waaaayyyy to clingy and needy. Go home. Put some distance between you. Your boyfriend will have renewed respect for you for doing so. Good luck.
 
This is where you take a breath, look at yourself in the mirror and then scream to the top of your lungs and say I need a life! because hun you really do. This man is going to live with or without you and you already see this. The thing he's telling you is to do the same. I know that you love him and he's probably very good to you that's why you are losing yourself in this relationship and with him, but like you said, if he were gone tomorrow, how would you continue on? You'd either slip into a deepen depression and want to die or you'll have to find a way to live on without him and live life anyway. The thing is living your life NOW as though he's not in it. I would go home and take the time to get reaquainted in your friends, family, and making new avenues for yourself. Have you ever heard the saying, Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well that's what I am saying. Take the time to let him miss you. I know that you will be missing him like crazy, but if you fill your time in with an internship in your home town, making new friends, and just taking time out with your family going on vacations and just finding YOU AGAIN! I had to do that while I am married. I had lost myself in my kids and my husband. I came out of it in a very bad way. I started to rebel and do some pretty stupid things. Some things that almost ended my marriage. The reason why is because I started recenting my family for feeling lost, weak, and confused and lonely even though they were in my life. I had lost my identity and after someone pointing out that I started feeling recentment and wanting my life back, but I went the wrong way in doing it. Don't be this way. Take your life back and go off at home and rekindle your passions and your interest after you graduate and if its meant to be with you and him then he'll be around. If not then at least you'll know who and what you are about and what it is that you want and need in your life and in your love life. I pray this helps you.
 
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