What do you think of my finished short story? <3?

SapphireR

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Sep 15, 2008
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I gazed into the light radiating off of the fire, at the flickering towers of orange and yellow light which were dancing metres into the air. The torrid flames weaved patterns through the air, as we sat there silently. The village in which I lived had been a magnificent place, yet we were but simple people. Mountains adorned the outer rim of our island, and apart from us, the island was a paradise untouched by humanity.

I used to spend entire days wandering in the wilderness, for it was relatively safe then; no bears hibernated in damp caves. I knew no other life then the village, so I was satisfied. Days were spent hunting or foraging for berries.

On the fateful night that was to be my last in that beautiful place, the entire village was gathered around the fire. An Elder woman was standing by the fire, her dark eyes troubled.
“I can sense that something dreadful shall soon occur,” she whispered, surveying us.

A young boy, Creek, stood up and whispered, his voice fearful “Do you know what it will be, Elder?”
The old woman shook her head. “No, Child, even I do not know what fate has chosen.” She kept on glancing around us, as if terrified that her home should suddenly become a land of nightmarish demons. Creek’s family consisted solely of his brother Kee, as his parents had perished in a famine when he was only an infant. Kee was his only family.

Remembering that night, I only wish that I may have warned them or that I could see them one last time, but my memories of before are now a blur.

That evening, was spent like most others, sitting around the fire dancing, to the sound of drums thudding out a fast, even beat. Like everyone else there, we tried to ignore the Elder Woman’s harsh warnings of danger and doom – for we wondered if perhaps she was growing old and a little senile. To the drum beat, we danced, until the stars began to dominate above ; and the sun disappeared from its perch atop the sky.

I walked back to the hut I shared with my sisters, Dakota and Katte, and soon fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I recalled the Elder Woman’s warnings and tried to shrug them off. After all, perhaps they would be like the predictions she had made at my birth, according to Dakota – the eldest of our family; as we were now orphans.


“And it is this frail child which will carry the burden of our society. She shall be a true Daughter of our tribe, and she will be the one to make an important decision, that will either save or destroy everything we know.”

As I walked out of the hut, Creek’s elder brother walked up to me.
“Will you go fishing today, with Creek and I? Bring your sisters as well, we’ll need the extra help,” he asked, anxiously.
I was confused, as normally it was only the boys who fished, and we searched for berries and fruit. I turned around for a moment, to see the Elder woman staring at me, looking worried.
“Are you sure, that it would be… acceptable? Normally girls don’t fish.” I reminded him sternly and he shook his head.
“Elder Woman Kane told me that you all should come with us. She said that the other boys are too busy, making canoes.”
I frowned, thinking of how much harsher the other boys were, and with most of them at least four years older than Kee himself, why he would be the one chosen to fish – it was a job extremely important to our survival!

I nodded, finding my sisters, and then following Kee, headed onto a canoe, and as we rowed away from the island, I couldn’t help but grin; seeing the place vanish into the distance was an extraordinary feeling. Dakota and Katte remained silent, while Creek picked up a piece of wood, carved perfectly, which I realised must have been one of the fishing rods. He attached something to the end of it and then threw the silk thread on the end, into the water, humming to himself as he did so.

We sat there, in the tiny little boat, holding fishing rods, for what felt like hours, until there was a loud rumble, and I jolted upright. Spinning around, I saw what looked like a plume of smoke, rising from a mountain in the distance.
“What is that?” Dakota whispered, and Kee’s eyes widened as he started to realise what was happening.
“The mountain- it’s on fire!” he muttered, awe struck. Swallowing; terrified, he turned to me and Dakota.
“That’s the island, isn’t it?” I asked, my voice rose an octave, sounding high pitched; like a child’s voice. He nodded gravely, and I stifled a scream. It was as if the Elder woman had planned for us to be out of the way, which couldn’t be a coincidence, could it?

I didn’t understand straight away, why she hadn’t saved herself, but Kee explained.
“There was only one canoe.”
“No, there’s three canoes – we were told, they repaired them, didn’t they?”
Kee shook his head. “We tried to repair the other canoes, but we never had the chance. Too late now. That means there was only this canoe left, and there is barely enough room in this one – the smallest of them
of them all- for us, and we are only children. We were the only ones she could save.”

Something clicked in my brain. She could have only saved one or two adults - but she managed to save all our lives, and I was thankful too, for not losing my family.
“That’s why they were building canoes!” Dakota said and we sighed.
“She must have thought they would have had enough time…”

Just sitting in the water we sobbed and tried to understand what had happened, and as we slowly rowed on, now not knowing where we were going, the water rose and fell in minute waves. I shivered as one edge of the boat started to lean precautious close to the merciless depths.
“We need to paddle away. There’s an island a few miles away, that may be safe enough… We saw it on a fishing trip once.” I nodded hastily and we rowed with all our might towards this island.

Dazed and exhausted, an hour or so later, we arrived at this other island and climbed to the top of a hill, standing atop it to watch a plume of ash
rise into the air as another eruption shook the world. I prayed feverishly, that there would be survivors, but I knew the chances would be slim.

When an hour later, a sole canoe floated to the island, with a terrified couple inside, I was so relieved that more of our people had survived. Over the coming hours, three more canoes arrived, filled with ash covered people, coughing and scared.

Standing there until sunset, clutching Kee’s hand in fear, I knew with utmost certainty, that the Elder woman had had some premonition of what would happen. And by giving her life, she had given us all salvation – in the form of tiny wooden vessels, just sturdy enough to carry us away from the destruction to the relative safety of this place.
 
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