Dad started smoking again? =(?

[ttYiMaacatt]

I realize it's very long, but please read, i will appreciate it.

My dad gave up smoking and had not smoked for 8 years straight, and i was so proud.

A few days ago, my mum asked my dad if he ever got tempted to smoke, because all his friends do and the people he works to do, to which my dad replied, 'sometimes'.

My mum asked him again yesterday, "have you ever had a cigarette with them"? to which my dad replied yes, but only when he has a beer with his friend.

I was so upset yesterday about finding out that my dada started smoking again that i couldn't stop crying, i cried for about 4 hours straight.
To make matters worse it's my 16th birthday next week and all i wanted was my family happy and together. So i wrote my dad i letter saying 'Thanks for making my birthday the worst I've ever had in my whole life'. & i put it in the car for him to read.

My dada smoked for 20 years before and it look him 3 years to give up, he also promised me that he would never have a cigarette in his life again.
Now my mum's saying that she can't trust him anymore, and that he's already 'deceived' her about the smoking situation, and she's now saying 'she wonders what else his deceiving her about.

I don't know what to do, because now my dad was supposed to be home from work 4 hours ago and he hasn't called.
Supposably he's at his friends house, probably drinking and smoking.

I don't know what to do, because i don't think i can forgive and as far as i'm concerned, i never want to talk to him again.

But i know my dad and me talking to him isn't going to fix anything, he's stubborn and so am I, but now he's also a coward for not telling me about smoking again.

Your thoughts please.
lady just because you smoke, doesn't mean the whole world has to.
My dad has had health problems when it comes to him smoking and the only reason i ddin't want to add them to the question is because when i think about it i cry. you happy now

[Clavast]

It's not your job to fix anything.
maybe he has smoked one or two cigarettes here and there.
that does NOT mean he is "smoking"
if it's not a habit, he's not a smoker, just a casual smoker. You can't blame him, he's trying to fit in with friends, still.
you shouldn't have left the note. he probably feels like you hate him and never want him around. your mom is over reacting, i wouldn't give it too much thought -- she'll probably talk it out with him. your dad is probably just feeling horrible right now for what he's done. He was probably keeping it a secret in your best interest, though. you say you don't care to ever talk to him again, but judging by what you've written, it's not true. you seem awfully close to your dad. don't be too hard on him. he's human, he makes mistakes. if you guys didn't want to find out, you probably shouldn't have asked him the question so many times. haha. but really, cut him some slack. it'll make all of you feel better. just don't be so dramatic,

i really really hope things work out for you.
good luck

[ScottS]

I understand that he made a promise to you and your mom not to smoke again, but being angry at him won't make him stop smoking. In fact, being angry with him will probably make him want to smoke even more. The best way to confront this situation, is to have a family talk about it. Tell him why your upset, and give him the chance to tell his side of the story.

[MrsRed]

Like alcoholics, it is easy to slip up, even when you go years without it. Not smoking is very very hard. My husband quit years before he met me and he still gets the temptation to smoke and even gets nic fits. My mom even slipped up a few times on smoking. It is very hard to do, especially when everyone around you smokes. It is even harder to admit that you slipped up. He probably didn't want you to be mad like you and your mom are now.

By the way, he didn't ruin your birthday, you are choosing to ruin it for yourself and not get over it.

Oh and I bet you and your mom have said things that you say would never do or lied or be decietful. To say you are perfect and would never do that would make you a liar and someone who has double standards.

None of us said WE smoked. Dumb ass.