Thread: Possible future mother and step mother... normal to?

I've been reading through other questions on here but its so heard to relate as everyone seems to have much different situations.

I'm really wanting to start my own life with the guy I'm with, and he also says he does too.

The situation is that he has two children, 5yo son and 8yo daughter from a previous relationship, but has been separated from their mother for the last 4-5 years, and have always had 50/50 custody exactly.

I get a long with them both, and with his daughter even more.
But i have no desire to be their mother, as they already have one. I want to get along with them and be their friend, as most people I've read on here say is the best/only way too.

My worry is that I really do want my future children to be my children, and am continually worried about how things are going to work out. We have talked about living near until they are older and then have them less often or let them decide.

I'm a rather eccentric person, and artist, and plan on living away from 'society' as much I can. I don't agree with how they are raised by their mother and my partner doesn't either. He seems to happy that he'll have the chance to raise our children how we want. But I guess I'm worried that his previous children might bring things into our environment that we don't agree with, or maybe influencing my children in ways that I wouldn't want.

Do you think it is possible to live in harmony with his previous children, while keeping them some what separate?

and is it possible to marry someone without having to play the "step-mother" role and just be a loving friend.?
(I'm canadian hes american...)
we both want to live in canada, but for now are stuck in the states bcuz thats were their mother is.. thus waiting till they are older.

If they want to and enjoy living our lifestyle and decide they want to live with us then that would be really awesome. In the end it would be up to them..

It's possible. U sound like u are not able to be flexible, however. I hope that is not so. If U plan on living away from society, do not get married.

If there are that many differences, are you sure you want to marry and have children with this man? His kids from the previous relationships will always be a part of your life and your biological children's lives. They will be your children's brothers and sisters. Think long and hard before you get married to him and don't think you can "change" things....you won't.

it's possible but it usually takes a family therapist, no kidding. He should be the parent of his children and not you, as you said. Why see them less when they start to get older? That is not right for them or their father. He has appendages called children and they are a package deal. You say he is separated but is he divorced? Yes if the 2 of you have children, they will be influenced by his children. But that is what you are signing up for here. Your artistic self may have to sit on the back burner.

Therapy.