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Because Jesus will set you on fire and torture you forever if you don't.

He was a creative genius. He wrote prophecies so vague, they were practically guaranteed to come true at some point in time, but so poetic they appeared to be specific.

It might have something to do with this being the "Religion and Spirituality" section.

You can TELL the true Slackmaster. He RANTS! Or not. The Master of Slack waits with a GRIN for Ragnarok and meanwhile knows he'll have Habafropzipulops, the Herb of the Gods and watch from the...

Since we haven't seen any dead people posting on web forums, I'm guessing there is no Internet access in Heaven.

Bush is all about treating political figures as his best buddies.
He'll probably take him golfing later.

He's coming from Rome, so he should bring some authentic Romano cheese as a gift to please His Noodliness.