Atheists I understand that you hate religion, you hate all gods, religions, and the people who prefer not to block their soul from that which is unseen. Do not bother trolling my question with insults, childish jargon, or hateful remarks, or I will report you. Bottom line.

I left the church for the first time at the age of 19 and I am now 25. Over the span of the past six years I have waged what I feel has been a spiteful war against the church. At first I turn 180 degress spiritually and became a satanist. Yes I worshiped the devil. I am not sure why I left the church but my family certainly was not pleased. This lasted about one year before I decided to become a Christian again. I left Christianity yet again after about a week because I felt as if I had made a mistake. A few months later I converted again. Then I left again. This process has really been going on for six years. Now during this time I have explored other religions. As of right now I have been praying to Pagan gods. Specifically of the Norse/Germanic pantheon. I have been this way for the past one year. Now I am seeing the state of the world and of western civilization. I feel that my zeal against the God of my youth has only hurt me. I feel degenerate and monstrous sometimes. I read in the Bible once where it says that those who become Christians and turn away cannot become Christian again. Is this why I could never stay a Christian when I converted in the past? Am I damned to hell because of what I have done? Let's say I feel that my beliefs were wrong and that Christianity is true? Why does my soul seem to rebel against it and yet desire communion with the Christian God again? If leaving the church was the naive mistake of a 19 year old idiot why am I damned for it? Will God truly refuse me? Has he refused me?

"Who are these people who “have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away”? It is important for us to know because “it is impossible to renew them again to salvation." Hebrews 6:4-6 (I think)