How do I convert to Judaism?

Mark Goldman · 10-09-2009, 04:05 AM

Hi, my name used to be Marcus Goldigger, but I went to court today and changed it to Mark Goldman so I can save a kilobyte on the state's registry. I also stopped eating food and drinking water. Instead, I eat my own fecal matter and urine so I can recycle more. I always wanted to wear a Star of David necklace but I realized that it costs money so I instead walk around without a shirt on and drew a Star of David with a Sharpie so I can save money. I pay with $2 bills at the toll booth instead of two $1 bills so I can save paper. I went to the synagogue today but they kicked me out because I was wearing pants and shoes and therefore making it seem as if I spend money. I tried so hard to be a Jew but I'm not frugal enough. Can you help me? I hope my question reaches you in time. I'm paying $.99/month for this black market dial up connection.
Can you guys hurry up and answer my question? I'm wasting oxygen molecules by staying alive to read your responses.

gloria · 10-11-2009, 04:05 AM

well Mark Goldman

this is wat u need to do...

go outside barefoot... and fun as fast as u can in front of a car..

by doin this .. it'll answer all ur questions...

have a good day!

Yoko Kurama · 10-13-2009, 04:07 AM

pick up every penny you find on the floor.

Sweetdaddy Rex · 10-18-2009, 04:05 AM

You are in dire need of professional care ! If all these statements are true; You're a lunatic !!!!!