...complaining? I am ungrateful and have been for a while, thinking nothing is good enough, seeing others with it made really affects my thinking, I was with what was a great guy who now has said I am a B***H who he can't be with anymore with the way I am it will never work am not the one for him ect... I know I ruiend it with being insecure and saying things I KNOW FOR SURE will make him leave me and I did it and the more I saw him going the more I told him see I was right you never really wanted me, I feel as though am not good enough for anyone and if I am with someone they will leave when something better comes along.
I always told him and acted like I did not trust him.... he trusted me untill I said I would go n do this n that which I would never, I always answered him if he had any questions ect... where were you I told him, who was you with, and guys numbers in my contacts on my phone I had all before I met him and if he asked who was this... I told him and always tryed to reassure him.
The when he stayed over mine I saw a girls name n number in his phone when he was laying with me n he was checking his phone it was if he wanted me to see it because he said oh i thought u saw it earlier.... when i asked who it was he said none of my business n i wouldnt trust him anyway, we argued.....
few weeks later after he left for work i found a number under the pillow in the bed, another girls mobile number, I asked him again this time he was at work so it was in tex he told me f**k off, non of your business pretty much the same as before, he told me u make the choice to call it or not then tell me what you decided, i had already called it, he said she was old she seemed older than me but not too old, she didnt know him from work as a customer and didnt know his name or anything, I told him he lied as she was young n he said I knew it your a B***H and you would do that, you can't trust n you never will, I ruiend it ect and im not the one for him now after that, It was a TEST?
What I dont understand as he knows I have trust issues does it make complete logical sense to do this test? why? why would he do this, in my eyes he should builed trust with me and vice versa if need be?

(in the past when we first got together like 9 months ago, when i said i didnt want to have sex with him anymore beacause he is muslim am christian i thought he would think less of me by doing this with him i always wanted him to love me and have full respect and just felt that having sex would change things, he said he would find another, than after a all the tears i asked him why would you do this if you like me, he said because he thought that would bring him closer to me, that is when i saw the trust break from me to him, another time he was waiting for a girl to finish work to go home with her on the tube he told me as he was waiting for her because i had called him to meet me, she didt come i went home n so did he, but he had called her to see why she was taking so long and she was running late.)

we got together Oct/Nov 2009, I am 24 he is 26, I am insecure as I am a single mother of a 2yrs old we met at work i left my sons father after 6yrs 3 of which were arguments and abuse.... I feel like nothing and not worthey of anyone love, he was/is am not sure anymoren a good man, smart and intelligent, I want to know even though it will be hard to see what went wrong I think it was me and my behaviour but with the last number i found in my home why would he do that, did he want to finish it anyway and this is how, or did he want to see if I really didnt trust him, what should I think feel or do.

Thank You