Stress. I hate it. Every time my husband's dad spends any time here, he pisses us both off and we can't vent to him, so we vent to each other whch causes us to fight and it takes so long to get out of the rut. His dad leaves today but Mike is in such a miserable mood and he's taking it out on me, and frankly, I'm sick of it.

So, you know I'm in school. I start school just as he's supposed to end work, so he gets off half an hour early. His boss picks him up in the morning, and I pick him up from work. He drops me off at school for 2:00 and then picks me up for 7:45. Except on field trip days. I don't think he understands the concept of field trip days. My program is great, but you can't learn about disabilities and how they affect a person from a textbook alone. Our Community Resources instructor likes us to do field trips to Child Development centres, or Centres for the Disabled, and yesterday to a group home for the disabled (where I met the sweetest 56 year old man with microcephaly!)

So that's what we agreed on. I would only take the car to school on days that we have field trips. Well, now Mike's in such a pissy mood because of his father's presence that he's taking it out on me by complaining that I'm always trying to find a way to take the car from him every day. How friggin ridiculous is that?!

In the module, we have a lot of field trips and I gave him the list on the first day of school. He was fine with it, and now he's whining "Oh, I had to listen to Grandma complain to me about the arrangement, and now I have to hear you yell at me".

Now, to explain that...I called his mom yesterday to ask if she could meet me at his work where I'd switch the car seats out and she'd take him and the kids home while I went to school. She readily agreed. It was only in the parking lot where I was switching the car seats out that she revealed to me that her husband had a doctor's appointment at 2:00 and it was "tight timing". Had I known this ahead of time, I would have arranged something else.

I didn't know she was going to turn around and complain to Mike about the arrangement, and so he takes THAT out on me.

After our trip to the group home yesterday, our instructor revealed to us that it's her last week with us because she's being laid off, and she wanted to take us on another field trip that she normally would have done in a different module. This is where we go to our local mall and have to find clothes or buy food or coffee blindfolded, so we get an idea of what it's like to be blind.

So, I walk in the door last night and what beholds me? Attitude. Mike's sitting on the couch reading a magazine and doesn't bother to look up or say hi. I could tell it was going to be a bad night. Kids come bounding over for hugs and kisses and Mike doesn't budge. I asked him if he got my text message to preheat the oven. He says yes. I go to the kitchen, the oven isn't on. Here we go. I sit down on the couch and the kids come over with books. I said Hello. He says nothing. I ask why he's ignoring me. He says nothing. Finally, I manage to get him to look over at me when I tell him about this field trip strung on us and he flips out about how I'm always finding excuses to take the car from him (which is completely untrue) (This is the same car that is in his name, but I fill up the gas tank every other fill, pay half of the insurance on, and just paid out of my own pocket, no split costs, $454.27 to have fixed)
Then he proceeds to make his way to bed just as I'm starting to get the kids ready. So I was on double duty bed time before I even had an opportunity to eat. He comes out right after I finish putting them to bed and is practically falling asleep on the couch. I asked him why he doesn't just go to bed and he says "This is the last night I'm going to see my dad". Understandable, but I told him he's not going to see him anyway when he's looking at the back of his eyelids. This statement comes less than 24 hours after he's nearly in tears telling me that his dad, right in front of him, asked his brother "I thought you said he was going to grow up one day". His dad is ALWAYS talking down to him. This must have really set him off because I sat next to him a few minutes later and he didn't even acknowledge I was there. He just kept staring straight ahead so I got up and told him I was going to bed and did.

This morning, I woke up and saw the clock said 5:20am and I nudged him enough to
ask him if he was going to work. You know what he does? "Oh, you just want to get rid of me, that's it?" His ride comes to get him at 5:30am, I didn't want him to miss his ride! He continues with the stupid car argument from last night.

I just don't get it. He's been ignoring and neglecting me since the whole Facebook thing, which I know some of you regrettably saw, as if I did something to hurt him, and he just won't reveal it. I think this has to do with a lot more than a car, that something more is bugging him and so he's trying to pick fights with me.

Over the weekend, I came home from shopping for clothes and sandals for Zoe, and he gave me the ignoring treatment again. About 10 minutes later, he said to me "I'm going out". He finally came home 4 hours later and immediately went to have a shower and came out all freshly done and smelled of his cologne, almost as if to hide something.
Part of me thought he was cheating, but the other part said no, because he's been cheated on before and wouldn't do that to me, he knows how much it hurts. I also wondered where he'd get the time...then again, is that what he wants the car for?

If he doesn't want to be with me anymore, he should just say so. I'll give him a divorce if he wants one and if it will make all of us happy. I just don't understand why he's acting this way. Anyone have any ways to get it out of him?

We were fine before his dad came...
By the way, the Facebook thing consisted of me posting a question to other wives asking if they would allow their husband's to take off to LA for a weekend, last minute decision, to attend Ronnie James Dio's funeral, while you stay at home with your father-in-law and two kids, one of whom has the chicken pox. His sister's took it way out of context and began attacking me saying I was holding him prisoner and never let him do anything for himself, that I'm a pathological liar, bi-polar (which I'm not) and an abusive and neglectful mother who caused my daughter's disabilities.

And he didn't defend me once, instead told me if I had attacked them back, he would have divorced me.

Is he looking for an excuse to divorce me?
***jnjmommy, unfortunately, we have no choice. It is inconvenient and stressful, having to move our kids and ourselves around to accomodate him, since he won't take the room in the finished basement, but he owns our house. He pay all the bills and house insurance, but his name is still on the ownership. He keeps it that way so that we can't say no to him staying here when he flies in from Hungary.
Craig, your response is brutally honest. I've been trying to communicate with him, get him to open up and trying to open up myself. I know communication is our problem. We've been told that both times that we've been in counselling. I almost want to pull him out of work today and take him to get this out of him.