My head tells me im normal, but from looking and analysing people i see they dont act like me. In the moment i feel complete;y normal and after its happened i barely remember what it feels like. I have like internal shouting, i dont hear the words but its the sensation of being shouted at by 1000s of people. I also hear voices calling my name and having conversations, i sometimes talk back and they go away. When its a conversation i can never really tell what they are saying but have an internal feeling that its about me. The other day i was wearing perfume and smelt an awful smell (it was disgusting) i told my mother and she said i smelt lovely, i was perceiving the perfume as something else and really though it was me. I also feel things crawling up my arms but then there is nothing there, i have these sensations quite alot!

My mood swings are rapid and last about 4 days, when high i feel like my mind is moving not me physically (although i run about the house) i need to be everywhere at once and have a great sense of motivation. I enjoy it for about 1 hour and then it turns into sever frustration and anger and sometimes i break down begging myself to stop it. Its like there are two of me and the other one is completely controlling me however much i try i cant stop until they turn the switch off.
I dont think i get depressed anymore but im told i do and believe that my parents wouldn't lie to me. I dont see the point of the world we are here one day and i could step out tomorrow and get shot just like that gone! Also i have a 'dream world' and fantasise i feel like that world is more real than the one we are in now. I dont want to live but the only reason i wont commit suicide is that i need my dream world i love it, and dont want that taken away from me.

I also feel like there are cameras in my house and im gonna be broad casted on one of those tv shows, im told its not true but i feel it and have such a strong sense telling me im right.

When raged i feel like i need to scream but cant. Sometimes it feels like i cant move or speak although im telling myself i can i cant physically. Its like its an obstacle in the way and no matter how much i do want my feelings want me to i cant jump over it. I sometimes feel normal but not for long at all, and usually feel abit depressed or high.

Please help...



Also sometimes if someone sees me i go really weird i start pulling my hair out and shaking. my heads saying you cant let them see you you cant go go away, and i feel like i need to get out quickly.


what do you think is wrong with me (in 14 and there is a strong history of schizophrenia in my family) also ive been through ALOT in the past years and am wondering if something has been triggered off.



Its like now im shaking and i cant stop and one minuite i laugh when i should cry then i burst out into tears. I dont want to go into hospital! Also i find it hard to remember things, and repeat myself alot. I need help and is there any chance of me ever getting better and this vanishing completely

The world doesnt feel real, i cant go out i hate it. and dont have to anymore because i dont go to school (im starting back in september). I know its not anxiety because i know someone with anxiety badly and they arent like me im different really different :'(