Thread: My husband is complaining a lot and nothing I do is ever enough..?

I've been married for about 11 years and have two kids (6 and 2). I used to work in management full-time (70+ hour weeks typically) and I still did all of the housework. Now, I am a stay-at-home mom who does everything (kids, cook, clean, etc).

My issue: my husband does nothing to help at home when he gets in AND he complains that whatever I do, it's not enough. (eg: "the house looks good, but the storage is so crowded that we can't get through!).

I'm to the point that I just want to give up and just do bare minimum and take care of my kids. My husband works a lot, and travels quite a bit, but when he's home, he sleeps, sits and watches football, or eats.

I'm sick of being told that I'm not doing enough EVER...he doesn't listen to me, he disrespect me (makes faces, yells a lot, ignores me pretty much all the time).

Now, I don't want a divorce as I think it's harder on kids than to stay together..how do I protect my own sanity and my kids (to stay positive and upbeat) and survive this???

Thanks
Wow..a lot of responses in a short time; thanks. He makes enough money (although he was raised in a house where his mom always spent; I don't..and we don't have any debt..not even the house). The last time we had sex was when the 2 year old was conceived (okay, once this summer), but how can you have sex with someone that you can't really stand?

I've tried to put my foot down and do a bit of a work wheel- idea, but he resents being "told" that he has to help. Look, I get that work is hard, but stay at home mothers NEVER get a break! The first, and last, time I went out with friends (after 9 years), I came home to find him sleeping while the kids were watching a video - the 6 year old was taking care of the 2 year old! Plus, if he watches them (so that I can go grocery shopping), I come home to a complete mess! My job may be the home, but why does that mean I'm the short-order cook if he doesn't like the meal, and the maid to clean his clothes when he SAYS he needs them?
Also, he hates the marriage counselor (we've been through 3), and won't take her advice..he twist it to say it's my fault. I can say "whatever," but I don't see the point of being a stay at home mom if I do all the work and don't spend time with the kids! That was the point! If I'm going to do all the work and not watch them, why not just send them to daycare?

If I try a special meal, he tells me I need to make a "back up" meal in case he doesn't like it..if I clean our office, he says "gee, how long will THAT last?" If I clean the bathrooms, I hear "didn't you get a chance to sweep?" It's just so much criticism. The therapist suggests merely focusing on taking care of myself and the kids...and staying happy and calm so that they can at least see one "normal" person.

If I leave, though, who will defend them (the kids) against him? He gets pretty short tempered and rough; and he's threatened to quit his job and fight me with everything to get custody..I'm trapped no matter
oh...and he has NEVER wanted me to go back to work..."maybe when the kids are in high school" he says...I honestly think he wants me under his thumb and totally dependent.

Regarding finances: he took a large sum of money from our savings and put it in HIS name for investing in the stock market...nice, huh?

The problem is that you started that way - you did try to do it all by yourself. Working a 70 hour a week job and then coming home and doing all the housework BY YOURSELF? No wonder he got lazy - you let him.
Ladies let this be a lesson to us all, start as you mean to go on. If you want him to help, let it be known to him before the wedding, and insist on it all the way through. Otherwise he might well not understand when we get too tired of the unfairness of it all, and then protest, all too late.

u know the part where u said he watches tv and does not help u.. thast so typical of men..
but complaining that what u do is not enough is something really wrong... next time before he says u start nagging...

You need to regain the power in the household. You will have to get his attention, and that may be as sever as filing for divorce. Hopefully this will get his attention and when he comes to you asking what he can do to save the marriage, then you will have the power. If this is to hard and you just want to cope with what you have, then join the Y and work our your frustrations on the equipment in the gym, they have daycare for your youngest, so get out there and work some of your frustrations away. Good luck.

Look, I would assume your sex life leaves a lot to be desired too.

Ok! Pick ONE day (preferably Friday, so you have a week to prepare) go get dark red sheets and a candle, buy a romantic saxophone CD and some dark red sheet kind of cloth and throw it atop a table lamp or something. Go get some lingerie. Oh, yes, either make your kids go to bed earlier than usual, or take them to your mom or to the neighbor, believe me it is worth the experience. Sex is a cure in almost ANY trouble in married life. It is very understandable what you re going through. Back to where we stopped. Make some dish, or order something, anything to fill his stomach is fine. Bottle of wine, of course, no beer! Tell him that his deepest fantasies are going to come true tonight. Spray the sheets with your perfume. Turn the music on in your bedroom. While he is eating you will have time to quickly put on your lingerie and come to him while he is eating and and whispering intimate stuff to his ear.........then lead him to your bedroom and tell him to imagine whoever he wants to (don't worry he will love you telling him so, you are winning anyways cause he will be running back to you), ask him to close his eyes (to be easier for you), imagine yourself a movie star in a movie with George Clooney (or whoever you like), the dim light and the music will help great deal. Forget your shyness, forget that you are a wife with kids and just for a little bit imagine you are a hot woman in control of your mind.Be agressive and leading in bed at least for one day, be a Sharon Stone. Do all the things he reacts good to, go all nasty on him, be his fantasy for one day, it will last a while....... Attack him!


And we've got a winner! He will start respecting you and seeing you on different colors. The control of men most of the time starts in bed.......
You will be happy again, cause, look, what could you loose if not gain from this experience.............


This should work just fine. But if it still doesnt you might want to consider professional help or a couple's counseling.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!

I would suggest you find a good day care and go back to work. He sounds like a real jerk and worse case scenario, if this goes the divorce route you will do well to be able to support yourself and your children. Children can sense the tension in the house and they respond to it in negative ways. Sometimes a happy single parent house is better than an unhappy two parent house.

Husband probably has serious depression and needs testing and IF necessary, therapy and medication. Bring him in for complete psychological testing; behavioral and emotional issues and the 6 anxiety disorders.

If I were you I`d stop washing his clothes and preparing his food. Let him do his stuff for a while and maybe he can learn a little lesson. It gets to the point for some women they need to take extreme action to make their men understand.

He is like my husband. Do yourself a favor and leave, you aren't doing the kids a favor because they will repeat their fathers behavior. I have been married 25 years and thought about leaving him just yesterday. It doesn't get better and you will resent him. I do all the work too and lately I am so over it that I am seriously done! My kids aren't at home anymore, so no more excuses.

Now you manage the house.
Your husband sounds like me, except I watch football AND Nascar.
I still like to watch the pretty girls walk down the street. Woohoo.