im 19. 23 weeks pregnant. i feel ugly and fat and unattractive. i know my belly is all baby- but i can't help but feel like my boyfriend doesn't want me. he talks to other girls on facebook and shows them a picture of his dick! when i want to have sex, which is a lot, he doesn't want to. in the last few months, ive developed terrible acne on my chest and back and shoulders. it's gross and embarrassing. he doesn't tell me he loves me. he claims that his previous girlfriend he was with for 3 years fucked him up. they've been broken up for over a year! and he says we're practically boyfriend/girlfriend, but he refuses to give me the title of his girlfriend. i love him. i tell him so everyday. i am his best friend and i've been there for him when no one else was. and i mean NO ONE was there for him but me!!! WTF! why can't he love me??? i let him move in with me. i love him. i care for him. i feed him. im trying to help him find a job and get his license (he's 21!) and i try to help him get into school and into the military. he used to be the biggest pot head in town and I alone motivated him to try to get his act together and helped him stopped smoking weed! he says he likes me a lot. but he doesn't love me! this has been going on since march! i've known him since i was 14. and when i was 15, we had a little 'relationship'. but even then he didn't give me the title of his 'girlfriend'. he still has no one else but me. about a month ago, we went to a friend's birthday party. there was a guy there who asked me and him if we were together (as in a couple), and i said no. he got offended and told him other wise. BUT when girls ask him if we're together, he says no and explains to me why we aren't! I DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS! i deserve to be with someone who won't take advantage of me financially, physically or emotionally. i deserve to be with some one who will cuddle me and kiss me. i deserve to be with someone who will love me for me, not for my material possesions. every now and then, i'll meet a guy and he will seem soo much better than him. but i can't let it go anywhere because i have him living with me. and i'll try to kick him out of my apartment, and that's when he claims he needs me. and it's sooo hard to not believe him. and i love him.. i just wish i could get rid of him and be done... i'm tired of this drama. im tired of him draining me financially and emotionally. i'm tired of him giving me false hope. i'm really sick of it. i dont want him to make me bitter. and i want him gone before it gets to that point. believe me, i've tried on NUMEROUS occassions to kick him out, but he refuses to leave. not to be with me, but because he believes i owe him to stay here.... i hate that i love him. i really do. i would be happier if he left. because with him, i feel more lonely than if i was to really be alone.. i'm lost...

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And i'm weak cuz I believe you
And i'm mad because i love you
so i stop and think that maybe
you could learn to appreciate me
then it all remains the same that

you aint never gonna change

-ashanti, foolish-