Thread: i'm so tired of this anxiety..a little vent.?

i've dealt with anxiety for as long as i can remember. i've been to doctors, therapists, psychiatrists, been prayed for, drank myself stupid, exercised, i've been on ativan for almost 5 years, i've taken every other anxiety medicine under the sun. still no relief. not complete relief. no matter what medicine i take i always feel some degree of anxiety. i don't know what to do anymore. it got a little better for a while, i could handle day to day tasks. could manage going to the store with only minimal anxiety. but now it's like it has exploded in my head and trickled through my whole body. i want to pull my hair out, bang my head off the wall, take the whole bottle of pills, rip this stupid palpitating heart out of my chest, pull my lungs out and hold them to the wind so i can get some air..just to feel a little relief. to feel a little sane. i don't want to depend on these f*cking pills for the rest of my life. i don't want to purchase a months worth of fleeting moments of "happiness" from someone who doesn't give a s*hit about me. i want to walk down the street and feel like i can own that moment in time without any negative "what if's" stringing along behind me. i really, truly want to feel like i am living. how can i achieve this?

i was diagnosed with agoraphobia a few years ago. i couldn't leave my house. a therapist came to my house. i have gotten better since then but i can feel myself slipping back into the same moods and patterns. i'm scared..of being scared.

Hello, I don't really know what im talking about but i had a girlfriend who sounds just like you.
It got to the point she would arrange her days in a manor which would ensure she knew exactly what was going to happen next. Now everyone gets a little anxious every now and then. I suggested she might want to try (in controlled situations) getting herself into uncomfortable situations.
She then proceeded to throw things at me but I really would have like to see her try.
My thinking was this. Anything you get used to has less emotional and physical effect the more you do it. Its like surfing bigger waves or skiing down steeper mountains. The small ones don't give you the same thrill after a very short period of time. She would never consider going to the shops by herself. I felt if she did this several times it might help.
You sound like you have not made yourself a prisoner yet so my only suggestion would be to put yourself into some brief but extreme situations. Apply for jobs your never going to get. Sing karaoke.
Ask a stranger for directions.

PS: She seems happy in her own little world but there is so much more to explore.