Thread: If you are in reunion why do you continue to complain?

Please help me understand. I do see that you miss your parents. However you also say that you are happy with your adoptive parents. If you are in reunion why do you continue to complain? Do you not have the best of both worlds?

Would you be asking this of POW's, who are now in reunion?

The fact is, some adoptees lost so much time with their families.

I lost my sister from the time she was almost 3 'til 21. I still greive the loss of my little sis. It's just not the same.

I'm always amazed by such complex questions from newbies. Hmmmm.

Anyway, as you might have read here before, it's about LOSS. If your house burned down, and you lost irreplaceable things, would you still "complain"? Sure you would, and those are only THINGS.

Try,try, to imagine if it were PEOPLE that you lost. I know trying to explain to the non-adopted what this sort of loss is like is nearly impossible.

So the next time you see someone with a prosthetic leg, remind them never to complain, becuase it's the same as the leg they lost, okay?

Or if people are replaceable, as you imply with your comparison of adoptive parents, let me take your spouse away, and assign you a new one, mmkay? We'll bring them back in 20 years, then you "have the BEST of both worlds", right?

Obviously you think it's great fun to deny those adoptees who wish to have access to their adoption records. on top of that you think that those of us who speak out about needed reforms that would benefit all involved in adoption are anti-adoption. Excuse me for standing up for adoptive parents who get taken advantage of sometimes by adoption agencies. Yes adoption agencies are more in it for the many, than placing children in needed homes. AP's have to shell out money to the extreme, that really isn't fair to them. Speaking about these reforms is not complaining. YOU are are complaining because you want adoptive parents being taken advantage of, YOU want all records sealed so those adoptees who want access to be denied, YOU DON'T WANT ADOPTEES TO KNOW THEIR BIOLOGICAL FAMILIES. SEE you are the one complaining, because you think it is so funny to make fun of others who want their records or know their adoptive families. YOU say are happy, but you and other adoptees who say they are happy spit upon those of us who have relationships with our b-families and want reforms. WHATEVER!!

You know I am not adopted but have considered adoption for a long time and I feel the pain your answerer's are trying to get across to you. Maybe next time we will think before asking ridiculous questions, okay? It might suet your purpose more. Unless your only goal was to stir things up. If they are upset maybe people should listen, instead of telling them if and when they should complain.

Heather hit a big nail on the head right there in her answer. It's not simply about parents. Adopted children become adults. Despite this, the state governments in 44 states do not treat us with the same dignity or equality under the law compared to the non-adopted. This has absolutely nothing to do with either set of parents.

When a child is given up for adoption, the original birth record remains UNsealed. It remains that child's only legal birth certificate. If the child is never adopted, that record is never sealed. However, upon the finalization of an adoption by the court, the birth record is sealed along with everything else in the adoption file. If the adoption fails, the original birth certificate is unsealed, and again becomes the child's only legal birth certificate. In 6 states -- Oregon, Alabama, New Hampshire, Maine, Kansas and Alaska -- adult adopted citizens can apply for and receive their own original birth records, just like non-adopted citizens. Kansas and Alaska never sealed records from adopted citizens. The other 4 have restored this right. In all of the other states, adopted citizens are discriminated against in that they must fall within various guidelines or petition a court to attempt to receive their own birth records. This discrimination is based solely one one's status as "adopted." The non-adopted, including those given up for adoption but not currently adopted, are not subject to this discrimination.

Further, if my only concern were whether or not *I* had what I want, that would be incredibly selfish. There are plenty of people touched by adoption who are dealing with the effects of questionable practices and bad laws in adoption. I make no apologies for acknowledging their situations.

44 States still have sealed records. I for one won't stop 'complaining' until adult adoptees are no longer stigmatized and discriminated against.

Thanks for asking.

Which part of the triad are you and how is your life affected by adoption, might I be so bold to ask