Thread: I just want to be smart. Why is it no matter how hard I try, I always fail?...

...(This is a rant btw)? Hey, so to begin with I'm a senior and throughout my whole high school career, I always felt like I was dumb. Not just dumb, but beyond dumb, because I was in regular on-level classes, so I decided this year that I would switch into all AP placement classes. The thing is, this year, I feel even more discouraged. In on-level classes, I was always top of my classes and I understood everything, but this year I'm having trouble with just a handful of my classes. The two most bothersome classes of mine are AP Chemistry, and AP Government/ Economics, mostly because they use knowledge from previous advanced classes (ex: Pre-AP Chemistry and AP US History). These classes are really discouraging for me because no matter how hard I study or work, I still end up being far behind everyone else and I don't know what to do. And what really gets at me the most is the kids in my classes is understand clearly any concept being taught flawlessly, with little need of study.

I'll give you two examples of my endeavers from this day alone. In my gov class, we had our UNIT 3 test, which I studied vigorously for. Regardless though, I still couldn't quite grasp everything on the test so I feel that I flunked terribly. In chemistry, we have about 50-80 range of homework questions to work on through the span of about two weeks. After finishing, we submit them online and know if we got the answer right or not. (This is what really gets to me) After posting my answers, or as much as I could have answered from the questions (which was at least more than half), I get a 39 total, and the class average is in the 70'ish range. Why is it that I'm not able to understand this? I ask the questions, I do the work, and I STILL get it wrong. All my life I just wanted to be normal, but I can't be normal because I'm so stupid.

And it doesn't help that I'm under enough stress as it is. While I have hw with those two classes alone, I also have hw with my other classes, along with band practice. For band, I'm striving to make all region band this year so I practice as much as I can (I'm 3rd chair varsity band), and I'm also planning on going for state solo and ensemble. Point being, I'm stressed out of my mind, and I haven't even gotten started on college applications yet. I can't even find the time to get started on them because on weekends I pretty much have competitions every saturday for band and sunday I have to cram all my homework/ studying in for the next week of hell. It's a vicious cycle that I can't escape from and I'm trapped and have no one to turn to. My parents can't help me because they told me straight up that they never tried in school, and most of my friends were from my on-level classes, so now I'm feeling pressured that I HAVE to be successful. Also, my parent's never went to college, and the only university any of my family ever went to was a very small one with not a lot of credibility. There are 6 schools i want to apply to btw: TCU, Baylor, A&M, OU, UTA, & UNT (I live in TX. btw) and I honestly don't know how I of all people will be able to get accepted. Idk if I'm going to further narrow it down the road, but I guess that's just something we'll have to wait and see. Don't get me wrong, success is exactly what I want, but to see my friends, my peers, etc. manage to advance further than me is just eating away at me and I can't escape this mental thought process.

I even once tried talking to one of those teen help hotlines and the person I talked to said that I desperately need to stop comparing myself to others, but I can't help it. I'm just one person, and I feel completely alone.

Ok, rant over. So basically I am stressed out of my mind and I don't know how to adjust to this new stressful lifestyle I accepted. I knew this rode I planned to take wasn't going to be an easy one, obviously. I just need some advice. How do I cope with what's going on in my life right now? I feel that when competitions for band is over, and I feel once I finally get the chance to get around to college applications, I will finally get some time to myself for once. But again, idk. I'm human. Again, I don't expect any straight-forward answer. I just need some advice. Thank you!

Im not sure if this will help but i dont think that should make you feel dumb. First of all most people are in standard classes and if you were at the top of your class you should be proud of that. Also im a NERD in all caps and I have been in the highest level classes my whole entire life, but now that im in all AP classes im having trouble and even though i always had straight A's now I have straight D's. Your probably doing better than me, so you are DEFINITELY not dumb.


As for the advice, what I have always done to keep myself from getting to stressed is I always set apart an hour each day to take a break from the work and do whatever I want. That way no matter how much work and studying you have, you will allways have a little time for yourself.

I really hope this helped and i am really sorry if it didn't. Good luck!!!