Just wondering if I am asking too much of life.

Childhood summary: raised in poor background, dad died when I was 10. Mother no good at savings/investing so only ever lived on what we had coming in each week which wasn't a lot. Was good at school and had close friends but got bullied a little as it was a tough comprehensive.

I've always felt more mature than most and always worked hard and had a goal to get into scientific research because it's what I enjoy and want to do. Got into uni and got a 2.1 (after evenings and weekends spent in library to deal with workload). But after graduating in 2012 I could only get part time retail which involved 5am starts and heavy lifting. This finally took it's toll and I begged to be put onto evenings.

Currently I am interning for free two days a week as well. So I'm doing full time hours but only getting paid for half of them. I live in a room in a shared house away from family and there's not a lot left after bills and rent. I don't socialise as busy with work, I tried joining a choir as I love singing but I found it daunting because the all seemed so chummy and I felt so boring so left after about a month or so.

I keep thinking about how happy and sociable I used to be even when I was working and studying at the same time and now all that time and money seems to be wasted. All my old friends have moved on and I just feel like I'm stagnating.

I feel like all this hard work will lead to nothing and am I forever doomed to be working min wage. It's not like I've deliberately floated through life, I've always planned ahead but recently it feels like I've hit a brick wall and see nothing in my future. The way I feel is affecting my work life and I barely life or smile any more.


Sorry if this is a bit long and ranty. I know I'm lucky to be British compared to all those starving and those who are born with health problems. But I'm just terrified of "just existing" and regretting not changing things when I'm older.

Any pearls of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.