Thread: How do you teach a toddler to stop crying and whining when it is unnecessary?

I have a toddler daughter that will turn 3 years old in June. My husband and I try to raise her the best we can in a positive environment. Our daughter is a happy child and very loving. However lately we have been having a lot of problems with her because she cries and whines over anything, when she does not get her way. It is also very difficult for us to go out to restaurants because she does not stay still in her seat, plays with her food and screams. We have been very patient since we have read this is normal in toddler behavior but our patience is winding down. I need some advice on how to best deal with this from other parents.

I have a 3 1/2 year old who became VERY whingy after the birth of her sister 6 months ago. We had to try a few techniques before finding what worked for us all.
Firsty, when she whinges, just say, 'mummy doesn't talk to whingy girls, we'll chat when you calm down'. If you stick to this EVERY time, it really will make a difference. Don't buckle, although it's difficult, she'll learn quickly.
We also introduced a reward system. We have a glass jar, which we decorated with stars and glitter, and a bag of plastic coins. When she does something good (eats all her dinner, goes to bed without fuus, behaves on a shopping trip etc) she gets a coin in her jar. When she is naughty, we remove one. When she gets 5 coins, she gets a small treat. When she reaches 50, a small toy and when she gets to 100, she gets a special activity (swimming, skating, zoo etc). I swear this one shocked me by how much it worked, she has been a model child since we started this. Now I only have to threaten to take a coin away and she perks up, and she looks for ways to earn more. She even asks me if she can tidy her room for coins!
Additionally, I started giving her an option. I drop down to her eye level, ask her to look at me, and say simply, 'you can keep misbehaving, or I could take a coin away (or you could put on the naughty step/take away toys etc). this is a recent addition and had helped a lot. It gives her a few seconds to think about why she's whinging.
These things really really helped, and we tried so many other techniques before finding these!

I make my daughter sit in her room when she acts like that.

My son is almost three and if he whines I usually just distract him with something else if his basic needs have been met you know he's eaten and been well rested. As far as him whining not getting his way I let him know that it's unacceptable and doesn't work for example if he whines cause he can't have a cookie for dinner I will politely say "wow, you seem to really want that cookie, but mommy told you no" and often he will just go away and lay down and not bother me again if it's really bad I often will walk him hand and hand to his room and tell him when he thinks that he can be a big boy he can come back into the living room works everytime. As far as the restaurant most children don't sit still, the best thing to do is one of you finish your meal and the other parent take her out to the car and put her in her carseat, this is the best because she may find sitting in the car completely boring and not want to act out again. Then when she is whining about that just remind her "you shouldn't behave like that in the restaurant and now we have to sit in the car" this way the next time you can just say "you want to go to the car" and she will be apprehensive and want to behave.

'Tis the age.

You ignore it, plain and simple. I have a saying at my day care: "I can't understand you when you whine!"

So, when you're walking around the kitchen and she's whining saying "I want a cookie" and crying about it, you say "Please use your big girl voice, I can't understand you when you whine" and then completely ignore her until she speaks to you appropriately.

I have been working with children for years, and I have *NEVER* had a whiner in my care because of this. Trust me, it works.

'Tis the age.

You ignore it, plain and simple. I have a saying at my day care: "I can't understand you when you whine!"

So, when you're walking around the kitchen and she's whining saying "I want a cookie" and crying about it, you say "Please use your big girl voice, I can't understand you when you whine" and then completely ignore her until she speaks to you appropriately.

I have been working with children for years, and I have *NEVER* had a whiner in my care because of this. Trust me, it works.