Thread: How do you manage a toddler who whines all the time for no reason?!?

My toddler whines all. day. long. and there's nothing wrong with him. He's not in pain. He's certainly not attention-starved. He has SO many toys and DVDs and, we even have musical instruments at home (piano and guitar). We have a huge back garden where we bought him a bouncy castle, and he now also has a tricyle!! There is nothing in the house that doesn't keep him entertained. Yet with all those things, he sits and whines and moans all day and I have NO idea why. He'd fed. He's changed. He's clean. I even give him Calpol IN CASE there is some pain. But no matter what I do, or how much I try to entertain him (or leave him to it), he just whines, and whines and whines... even when he plays with his own toys, I hear him whining to himself!

It's become this consistent annoying noise in the background, and I don't know how to get him to stop. He's just turned 2, and is nowhere near a stage where he understands much. I try to talk to him to explain that he won't get any attention when he's whining, and I do give him attention when he goes quiet or is talking nicely. But none of these things seem to work!

It does drive me to the point of insanity sometimes! Any help please?!
When I said he had loads of toys, I didn't say it to illustrate that we spoil him - I said it to illustrate that he's not without anything to do. As in, he's not whining because he's bored. He whines even when he's playing with his toys, if the toy doesn't do what he wants it to do.

As for ignoring him when he's whining... that's what we do. We even have the 'time out' method. When he whines and moans for no reason, I do ignore him... and he can whine and whine and whine and whine...

I'm sorry if I gave the impression that I cater to his every whim,but I really don't! Which is why I don't understand why he whines! So, if I said I give him attention, I get told off for giving him too much attention, if I said I didn't, I will get told off for not giving him enough attention.

I'm in a lose-lose situation it seems.

My 20-month-old gets angry more than whines, but I won't give her what she wants if she doesn't ask with words and in a nice tone (because she is capable of both, being VERY verbal at an early age). I find she does it less if we are actively engaged in a social activity (something very interactive where my attention is not diverted) or if she is playing with other children, especially older kids. We don't have very much "stuff" for her, so most of her whining has to do with wanting our stuff that she is not allowed to have (or not allowed to have unsupervised at least). Just think of it this way, currently, whining is the only way he sees of expressing his emotions and exerting control. The expressing his emotions part will just take time until he learns either words or other methods of communicating his frustration, hurt, etc. The exerting control part requires discipline on your part to not reward the whiny-ness. Even the most conscientious parents do this sometimes without realizing it when the whining wears them down. I myself have been known to tell my daughter she cannot have, for instance, my phone and then after dealing with her throwing a fit or fussing about it for a while, negotiating her down to she can play with it in my lap for a few minutes. While it does give you a short relief, doing those things reinforces for them that there is just a certain amount of that behavior you can take before they will get their way. I try to be conscious of this and divert her attention elsewhere. Also, because she is a bit advanced and diversion wasn't working well, we have started timeouts. She gets two warnings about not yelling or not hitting and then she goes in the corner for a minute and has to be relatively calm during that time to get out. It hasn't reduced incidents a lot YET, but she is more conscious of consequences. Sometimes she will yell and walk herself into the corner and say, "Time out." I'm hopeful that over time, she will get it. In the end, they're both still really little and it will take a while for them to figure out constructive ways of expressing themselves rather than just their first instinctual reaction.

Most of the time when kids whine, they have a reason for doing it. Especially if they're at the age where they can't fully communicate what they're feeling or need. Some kids require more affection than others so maybe he falls into this category.

Also, it sounds like he has a lot of toys, maybe you should try putting some of his toys away for a while and bringing them back out after a while because if you keep all of his toys out at once he'll get bored of them pretty quick and not want to play with them.

Something else to know is that kids will whine, especially if they know it gets your attention and it seems like you give him attention every time he whines so if he sees that it works, he's going to keep doing it so don't try to explain to him that you're going to ignore him just do it and once he sees that it's not working anymore maybe he'll stop.

If nothing works, maybe you should take him to the doctor and see if they can look at him just to be sure, some kids are super sensitive to sounds, things that we hear that seem normal may sound super loud to them and hurt their ears. Same thing with light. It's just something to look into.

i know exactly how you feel my 21month old daughter has done this since she was born ... im sorry to say you just have to deal with it ... or you could try getting karitane or something like that to help ( but they said my daughter was to stubborn & hard ) & never came round or called again after a few sessions ... but they might work for you ...

too many toys can be overwhelming. help him clean his room & donate most of the stuff -stop buying new stuff. get rid of the TV & go outside more often. feed the entire family a healthy diet that limits processed foods. anticipate your child's needs -feed him when he's hungry, hug him often, use the word NO less often, be sure he gets plenty of rest, and sit on the floor. reduce your own stress so that you can respond more positively to your child/