I've studied all this stuff. And I feel so silly sometimes, ignorant. When all the answers can come from self through others yet I choose to try to take all these answers from this more divided, personal image of self. All the answers I need are right in front of me, through me. I'm simply a extension of this physical reality , just a segment. A shard of light in a prism.

Some times I wonder, what's more important? What's in my heart, what' s in my mind? What's the point of any of this? I've spent so many hours searching, been tired with it a few times now. And now I'm sort of empty inside...

I was about to study 4th density technologies. The truth is, knowledge can't bridge the gap, only true understanding, compassion can bridge the gap. Facts, don't matter, what matters is what effects one of us, all of us. Knowledge, intellect and wisdom are useless.

My mind, I've tried developing it. I never let any subject scare me, or any subject make me feel small. I always tried to come to grips with it in my own way, appreciate it in my own way, acknowledging that I am just an extension of thought .

We create our own realities, psuedo intellects, and psycho babble doesn't really matter. I've wasted valuable time wanting to understand all that I've been through, all that has happened to me.

Now I realize that I don't have a cause, I haven't asked the right questions, what is my cause? What is my intention? Only a fool seeks wisdom, power and intellect without the RIGHT and thought out intentions! I won't follow in his / her foot steps.

What is my agenda? Who am I?
Wasting my time, for what? What do I have to gain from understanding 4th density technologies? Or my time travel experiences, or my encounters, or other things I'm afraid to even try to put into words?

Knowledge means you know something. Some one asks you, you say you know it. Or if you need to know something you know it. What good am I doing studying the paranormal? I'm not a X File official, lol...

I'm not doing a service to myself, and by extension any one in the human race. If I were part of a group with a vision, part of a story, maybe my perceptions, beliefs would matter. But, nothing matters . Did it truly matter to make the atom bomb? Does it truly matter if I say I've time traveled, off on my lone some self. It's selfish to try to prove things, validate things just to validate your own little experiences in this world.

I should be trying to find solutions to bigger problems than wake up in different "realities" or states of mind (time)...

Too many fools become obsessed with their-selves and the ability to learn and pass on knowledge without any BRAINS for intention .
I guess my mind has been open , maybe not enough. I just needed answers. Our species, is always rushing for answers, it obsesses over PROOF. IT can't take anything as it, ANYTHING. It rushes to that atom bomb, and it rushes to that cure for cancer. That's just the way we are, always sinking into something, pouring a enormous amount of resources into "the truth".

What is the truth, does it matter? Some times it matters, yes, most often when we have the right intentions, to help others, to solve problems. I guess I wanted to fill a void. I don't know where to go from here, but trying to live a average, drone life is something I'm not ready to settle for...

It is one thing to obsess over experience, search for knowledge. It's something else, entirely how blind and ignorant the world is to our problems and the problems of our neighbors, our own damn children. So many beautiful young minds are going to go to waste, because our best intentions aren't
clear. This species is selfish, greedy, power hungry. We're never going to have the right intentions until we stop our obsession for knowledge, power , and the truth and focus on a system of better equality. Until we evolve our simpleton minds and learn to focus on immediate problems, real problems that every man and woman and child faces every day of their lives.

And if we have such distractions and problems that separate the masses, the people from what goes on behind the curtains then it's the system of leadership that is most flawed. We need to focus on our own damn people and work together to accomplish GOALS. We are a broken people, with no true goals. Our system doesn't even hold true goals, because it is so broken, divided that goals can not be pieced together, agreed upon within the system. If the system worked, was effective, we'd agree upon goals. But we are weak, stupid, selfish...and change will only come extremely slowly and painfully...

End of rant