How to handle five year old step son who cries and whines too much?
My fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years. I have a 10 year old from a previous relationship and he has a son who is 5 years old. We have a 15 month old baby together. I thought his son would go through the jealous stages but he has a sister with his mother and he sees her regularly. This little boy is the biggest whinner and crybaby I have ever met. He cries if you say no or if you tell him to do something he does not want to do. I have been in his life since he was 6 months old and practically raised him as my own because he mother is a deadbeat. My daughter was never like this and my son who is going through his toddler stages does not whine 1/2 as much as he does. He has lived with us and his grandmother since his birth. Now that he is in school he lives with us permantly and its driving me crazy. I treat him like he is my own but how do you control feelings about someone else's child. He is having a time adjusting to living with how we do things around here (i.e. no t.v. during school days, no candy everyday) things he was use to. He went to a daycare for 2 hours a day so he is so behind in Kindergarten. He thinks the teacher should stand by him while he does his work but she has 31 other kids to attend too. He needs serious help and I don't know where to start!
Wow..we have almost the same exact situation
Your post sounds almost exactly like my life- 15 mo old baby boy, 5 (almost 6 yr old) stepson, and a 3 week old newborn girl! Stepson also has another half sister at his mothers house. It's been very hard the past 2 years with 2 pregnancies in a row and this year we had stepson most of the year- he has a sorta crappy mother- she does financially provide for him but other than that she's not there for him as much and she drinks alot plus she's always working so his 13 yr old sister pretty much raises him while he's at his mothers house or he takes care of himself because she's busy and has friends and is just tryin to be a teen. So he too has alot of issues-- like wanting his parents to be back together and doing and saying mean things to try to make me mad at his dad or cause us to fight intentionally etc (for example he's always saying that his daddy said he's coming back to live with them and .. daddy constantly has to tell him he doesn't like his mom like that at all and it's never gonna happen), he also has abandonment issues because he didn't see his dad for a while when he left his mom because they lived 8 hrs away, so he's super jealous and clingy with his dad also to the extent it's scary-- his dad can't even leave or go to work while he's around because he wont eat or drink if his dad goes somewhere with out him he will literally sit and cry the whole time untill his dad is forced to come back because no body can handle him, on top of it all he has ADHD-- he's been diagnosed 2 times by 2 different doctors and his parents are in denial about it because they don't want to admit something is goin on with their child, he has anger issues too and it ties into the adhd, he's actually told me he hates his body and wants to die because his body is "storming" inside and wont stop and he cant make it stop. All me and his dad do is argue about things to do with him (not infront of him tho of course) but we cant agree on dicipline or anything. I never spank him or anything like that. I do things like time out etc but his dad doesn't want me doin anything he just wants me to "let him handle it" but he kinda leaves me to watchin him when he's over while he's just chillin watchin tv etc. I can not get this child to mind me, or to respect me in my own home.. It got so bad I had to say that he couldn't come over for the month and a half before I had our new baby because I just couldn't handle it anymore with the pregnancy pains and illness I had.. It was all too much, I was too sick and moody. I felt awful but didn't know what else to do. I have done everything possible to be kind and loving to this child.. we've spent tons of time with him, take him to do fun stuff all the time, always give him tons of love and affection and attention, include him in everything, we buy him nice things, expensive toys etc (which I know money isn't everything and doesnt make up for not being an active parent so dont get me wrong on that one), but it's like he doesnt appreciate anything.. I paid $450 for a DSI XL nentendo game and he has had it 8 months and he tore up the protective nerf case I bought for it with in 2 weeks from chewing it apart, he's dropped it a million times, broke the charger, made it to where the games wont even stay in the dang thing, and now it's completely broke- not even turning on, and he was "telling" us to buy him a new xbox connect for christmas! I am like WHOAAA you didn't take care of the other game. I told him since we bought it that if he doesnt take care of it the thing isnt gonnna work anymore, I tell him every day he's with us to quit dropping it etc, and he just dont care it seems he throws it around etc, . He has alot of dicipline, and behavior issues.. and at our house he's supervised 24/7 and at home he's not so all he does is sit there and eat and play his game systems (he has like 3 at home!! and still wants more of course).. he eats to the point he's unhealthy over weight, and his parents dont care about that either, It's gotten so bad there are times where we run out of food and our foodstamps trying to feed him (because he's not on my foodstamp case, just his moms).. I mean he eats 2x the amount of a grown man.. he out eats me and his dad put together at every meal.. but yeah when he's at our house he pushes my buttons and tries to pull me and his dad apart in each and every way he can to the point where I have thought "screw this, I can't deal with this, if this is how it's going to be and he cant help to get his child to respect me in my own home, then we cant be together". I have honestly thought about leaving his dad over him becasue I just am at my wits ends with him alot of the time with his eye rolling, rude & back talking, and his smirking and laughing n smiling when I tell him something to do, or not to do. I tell him no on something, and not to ask his dad cause he just asked me and he will turn around one second later and ask his dad on purpose just to piss me off and he smirks and laughs about it. And once he gets me and his dad fighting he goes over to his dad, gets clingy and just keeps saying "i love you daddy, do you love me, only me?" and he will smirk and laugh while standing next to his dad to where his dad can't see it but i can and he just looks at me and laughs while his dad is arguing with me. he reminds me of the movie "the good child" I mean he acts really evil sometimes and it makes it worse becasue I dont like his mother and he makes faces just like her when he smirks at me. I now see why people get divorced over their children. I just can't believe a 5 year old little boy has the capacity to wreck our lives like this. He literally makes my life a living hell when he's around. I hate that I feel this way and truly wish I didn't but it's very very hard, especially when his dad of course is going to be on his side.. I just can't seem to bond with him the way I do with the other children we have. I want to and I really try to but I just can't seem to.