Why are we teaching kids that failure sucks?

I think what they're trying to teach is that everyone is equal and no one is better than the other.

The exact opposite is happening. All of this "self-esteem is paramount" nonsense is breeding the worst sort of losers possible - those who refuse to accept responsibility for their own failures.

the same thing happened at my sons baseball league. how are kids going to learn to cope with losing? the other thing is that all the kids get rewarded at things so no one feels left out. i can only imagine what we are setting for our future.

I agree with you wholeheartedly. People don't realize that what these parents & teachers, coaches etc. are doing to the current generation of kids is not only wrong, it is destroying our society. It is very rare these days at least in my neck of the woods to find a parent that actually disciplines their child and teaches them values instead of letting the child run the show. What are these children going to be like when they are grown?

12 is still a pretty tender age.When he gets to high school there are no 'everybody wins' games.The losers will know exactly who they are, and will be ridden pretty hard for it.And at that age he'll be better prepared for that sort of emotional roller coaster.At this point just be happy for him that he's having fun...

maybe because the teachers have failed at something and dont want kids to go through the same experiences.

I think they're trying to show that really, failure isn't failure.But they really should be opening them up to what "failure" feels like.

I agree with you! Plus, doesn't it take the fun out of it? I mean if you can't win, what's the challenge? I hope your brother can get involved with a soccer league outside of school or some other activity that challenges him.

Perhaps, it's more concerned with damaging their raw psyches.For example some parents would never dream of telling their kids no; for it would damage their psyches.

I agree completely. They are being taught that winning is the only thing that matters instead of being taught to enjoy the process, have fun and play well. Only one person ever wins, the rest of us need to learn to enjoy the experience.I have a friend who whenever I ask 'was it a g ood game?" has only one of two answers. 1. yeah - we won2. no- we lostand I always reply - but was it a good game? Were there tense and exciting times during it??

Even in elementary school, competition is very important to kids and how they interact. The coaches in your brother's soccer game don't want the "losing" team to feel bad. In my opinion, it's a load. They do it in our school, and we're 13-15 years old! Sometimes for younger kids, probably your brother's age and if the team is mostly or all boys, it's better not to keep score because there'll be fights over whether something was a legal move or goal. Trust me, my nephew's 10 and he'll fight if they're keeping score and someone didn't score right. When you get older, you realize it's all just a play they put on to make kids shut-up and just get along. Losing is important, but parents don't want kids to whine. It's an unspoken rule. IMO they're doing fine. I mean, kids will fight over scores at that age. When you get to your teen years, you realize that losing happens and can keep score without complaining. Parents just don't like to deal with bratty kids whining about losing a fun sport. It's annoying to everyone.Hope I helped. ^-^

I don't believe one can really equate losing at a ballgame and failure. I also don't believe failure at ANY THING is final.

That is crazy! when I lose at something it makes me try harder, makes winning all the more sweeter when it does happen. Kids being encouraged that below standard is OK isn't going to do them much good.

I used to run into this all the time at my first job. (I taught co-operative games to elementary school kids as part of a conflict management program)There is room in a child's education to learn both competition and co-operation. There is tremendous value in teaching children to be competitive when they are raised in a competitive, capitalist society. But that doesn't mean that co-operation should be avoided at all cost. In my mind, it's a balance. You have to work with people to be successful at life just as much as compete with them.Although, I would LOVE to see more kids being taught the "life isn't always fair" lesson.

You want your kids to be homeless because they think its "ok" to fail? Whatever... to each his ownEDIT: I see your point... you have to fall before you can pick yourself back up. I GET IT...

yeah. This kissy-kissy huggy huggy no exposure to or preparation for the inevitable negatives of life approach to child rearing and education, both in schools and in the home, is just setting kids up to be released as wimps in the woods someday, and is doing almost nothing to prepare them to cope with the often genuinely rotten and cruel experiences that adult life is peppered with. Thank god (for me, anyway) I came from a previous generation. We climbed trees, constantly got in fights, blew up stuff with M-80's and cherry bombs, played all sorts of violent games, ridiculed losers and weaklings, banged ourselves up every which way, started fires in the trash cans at school, killed stuff with real guns, and our teachers and parents beat us. I'll take that sort of preparation for the real world over what kids get in the USA today ANYDAY.

I think a balance needs struck. Yes, kids need to learn about failure, but on the flip side, you regularly hear about parents getting into fistfights at peewee soccer games, or adult coaches verbally abusing children for lost points.There is such a thing as too much competition and taking sport TOO seriously. Since kids are so sedentary nowadays, anything that encourages them to be more active is good.

Losing is only terrible when you attach a really negative label to it. My dad tells my younger brother about this basketball coach... Wood or something like that. He was successful as a coach and my Dad really admires what he taught his teams. He tells them stuff like it's not winning or losing to the other team but being better than you were before. Like making it a more personal thing. If you lose to a better team there is no shame in that if you played your best or even better than your best before. Problem with using words like fail and lose is that it sounds like winning is everything too. That makes for trouble, win at all cost and so on. Add: This ties into stupid gender arguments too. Because boys can do somethings that are more strength related than girls they use that to win over the girls and call the girls losers. It's silly.Jess

Winning and losing is part of life, and is something we need to teach our children. at what age depends on teh parent, but I think the younger the better. Why would your child strive to achieve anything (or win) if everyone gets the same score (or grade)?We should be teaching equal opportunity, not equal result. If you try hard and focus (and the ball/puck bounces in your direction, ie a little luck) then you will be successful. If you sit back and wait for everything to be handed to you with a sense of entitlement, then you deserve to fail.Competition is healthy, and makes everyone better and try harder. It also weeds out those who should be trying other activities. If you suck at writing stories, but you enjoy doing it, then you should be given an equal opportunity to succeed or fail at writing stories, but failure will help you: 1. Focus on what you need to improve2. Set realistic goals3. Determine if you should try other activitiesI remember getting the different coloured ribbons when I was younger, (red = 1st, blue = 2nd, yellow = 3rd) and the purple "participant" ribbons which were given to everyone held no value at all for anyone, and went straight into the garbage. Reward people for results, not just for showing up....This is how they will be rewarded in the real world.