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  1. #1
    Junior Member LOSERname's Avatar
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    Subconscious self-fulfilling prophecy.?

    I've noticed a pattern. Well, it's happened twice. I've only liked two guys that showed interest in me, and both ended horribly. Both tried to get me to open up when I was hesitant to trust them, and tried to convince me that they wouldn't hurt me and that they really liked me. Both times, as soon as I got 'attached' to them, they broke it off. And I just mean I finally admitted to them that I cared about them, I didn't show clingy behavior. I'm wondering if it's just a coincidence, or I pushed them away somehow? I don't know. What do you think? Pretty much the worst feeling, ever, though.

  2. #2
    Member gerard's Avatar
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    "Both tried to get me to open up when I was hesitant to trust them..."

    By showing that you did not trust them initially, you threw a challenge - the guys thought it was imporatant for them to break that distrust. Probably you put up a tough fight by not trusting them for a while, and the guys had to really work hard to win your trust.

    Then you gave up - you took them in. By now, the guy's only aim was to win your trust, not love you. So, when they won, they got smug, and left the relationship with the thought that they won it.

    It was your fault by changing the endpoint of the game - even if you did not trust them, why show it openly? Keep it to yourself, until you really trust them. Moreover, once you make it known that you don't trust them, people may do anything, say anything (lies, fraud, etc.) just to win the trust - because you've changed the final target. Either way, you lose by showing that you don't trust them.

    No, you did not push them away. But playing hard to get has its disadvantages. Guys take it as a challenge to get (to) you, not get with you. Once they have broken the barrier, they think they won, anfd leave. Don't play hard to get. Let them close, and if they are jerks, you can always leave later.


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