Thread: My fiancé is lazy and doesn't want to work for our future ?

I have several problems. I met my future husband 2 years ago- we both worked for the same training provider. We very quickly got engaged, bought a house and settled down. In the first couple of months of being together he agreed he would look for another job as my boss kept picking on us (as he didn't think we as a couple we should working together). My fiance didn't even try looking for another job seriously- My boss gave me extra responsibilities at work (without the extra pay). I used to drive me and my partner to & home from work (as he has made no effort to pass his test) and everywhere else!- and i was constantly on the go at work..I feel my fiance did nothing to help the situation. I became an emotional wreck and felt so trapped i thought i was going to have a breakdown. I was then hit by a car-had a very lucky escape and then accidentally became pregnant and had to have an abortion because we couldn't afford to keep the baby - I left that job at the start of this year ... my partner still works there... he has made no effort to look for another job unless i nag at him - I feel under immense pressure as all the bills are under my name. I feel he resents me as when I left that job he had to support us while i found another. I don't know what to do
The job he's does is extremely easy and we used to joke that it isn't even a proper job. He has been supposedly applying for the RAF for the last year - his excuse is that he needs to replace all his certificates - (which is likely to cost us £150- £200) but we always need that money to spend on bills - We can put it aside ..but its me that has to organise it and sort it out.. he was unsure either way about the abortion -i made the decision in the end mainly ...but if he had of looked for another job as soon as i fell pregnant i think i would have felt more secure and kept it. He does pay his share of the bills - but we're really struggling and he wont consider even applying for a part time job - or looking for anything else.

All the bills had to be in my name as we both had credit problems from uni -but his were worse than mine - I was without a job for 2 months after the car hitting me and the abortion. But we earn the same now - although he spends a lot on travel to get to work.

i wouldn't say he loves you very much

What is happening right know is how your future will play out.. Broke

"left that job at the start of this year ... my partner still works there"

He is working now isn't he?
I am sorry but I do not understand the problem.
If you left your job, aren't you the one who is not working?

So confused :S!

Thanks for adding more details...

Alright without that information here is my perspective:
It takes two to tango and from what I just read it looks he needs a "mom" wife to tell him what to do and help him do it. He needs someone to keep him on track. He needs someone to encourage him and help him to make his life better. He is a emotional dependent man. If you can't be happy being the one to help him better his and your life then move on before it is too late.

HA HA HA!

"Accidentally became pregnant"

Honey, please, you ain't fooling anyone. Face it, your clock was ticking and this "fiance" of your was Mr. Right Now and you pretty much set him up for failure knowing he has ZERO ambition. You want the house, the car, the 2.5 kids. You made it happen. Now you reap what you quickly sowed.

Women like you make the rest of us look dumb. Really.

I commend you for aborting though. Sounds like the ONE good decision you have made in the last two years.

you have to explain to him how you are feeling and maybe he will change but as far as you say it's your fault. In the first place why did you put your name in everything. It seems to me that you took the leading role in the begining and he took the back seat. You had an abortion because u believed it were the right to do, yet not. He was supposed to take control at that very time and on. Give him the pole position in the house change the respobility in bills if possible have both names on every bill and shopping then see what happens. Good luck.
Ps. I really would like to know if this helps you in the near future.
x

Sorry, but this relationship is not going anywhere. I am not sure how long you dated, do you even know him? but getting engaged quickly is not the way to go. If your fiance is like this after all this time, he will not change. You have basically showed him that you will work hard and support him and he will have to sit back and do nothing. Having everything in your name is odd, why is he not on it? Its almost like he is not willing to have any responsibility. He is not learning to drive. Some places it a neccessity. I can not see him changing, he seems set in his lazy way, and no amount nagging is going to change him. So you may have think about you and your future.

by him not looking for another job he is telling you that you and the relationship are not a priority for him. Since you are no longer employed at the same place he may feel there is no reason for him to get another job now.

this is who he is and this is how he will always be. You either accept it and continue on as you are or you tell him this is unacceptable to you in your partner and you move on.

sell the house and get rid of the hopeless case!