Thread: Future daughter-in-law rejected my heirloom jewelry to wear on her wedding

day. Should I tell my son? Last night, I told FDIL that I would be honored if she would consider wearing some heirloom jewelry from my family on her wedding day-I offered her my mother's choker and earrings and my grandmother's charm bracelet. FDIL flatly said no, that she would be wearing HER family's jewelry on HER big day (and she said it just like that). She will wear her mother's earrings and her great grandmother's bracelet and her grandma's ring. FDIL didn't even look at pictures I had taken of the jewelry-she just rejected the pieces and seemed annoyed that I would even have the nerve to ask her. I understand that it is her decision, but I feel that she has no idea how special it would be to me and others in our family to see her wear the jewelry and feel that our family is represented, especially as FDIL has not even tried to include me or our family in her plans for the wedding. Should I tell my son how hurt I am and how bad I felt her attitude was?

"she has no idea how special it would be to me and others in our family to see her wear the jewelry and feel that our family is represented"

Tough sh*t. It's not your wedding. Deal with it.

As every woman is very particular about her own wedding, alot forget it's hers and her partners wedding so you of course have every rite to ask her, but no need to go tell you son, I would just be upfront and say that she didn't have to be so strong with her answer no, she could have seemed more humble and politely said no thank you as she is wearing her families jewels. Keeping an open honest relationship with your daughter inlaw is the main thing, if I was her I would have at least been polite and honored to wear the jewels and if not everything suited with her dress, choose a piece that did.

She's the one wearing jewelery, she gets to pick what style/kind she wears. That's really all their is to it.

Why on earth would you tell your son? What on earth is that going to solve? Nothing. In fact, it's just going to create more problems.

Maybe the way she turned you down was a bit rude, but she already has her own families jewelery to wear. Deal with it

Think about it from her perspective. Maybe, since she was a little girl, she had always dreamed of including her own mother and grandmother on her special day, so even the idea of anyone else asking her to include them in her wedding in such a way is appalling. She could have handled it more politely, yes, but on my wedding day, if I borrow jewelry, it would be from the women in my life who have been there since I was born. I respect my FMIL and think she is a wonderful woman, but I would feel awkward wearing any of her jewelry on my wedding day, especially when I have a mother of my own.
Don't tell your son. That would be a low-blow, and he might get annoyed at you because the issue seems so petty to him. I hope that she apologizes to you for her attitude, but maybe you should be the bigger person and tell her you didn't mean to step on her toes -- you were just being friendly. =)

She definitely should have been nicer about it! The nice thing to do would be to at least take a look at the jewelry since it is important to her new family. But cut her a little slack, even if she hasn't planned it all her life, she has probably worked very hard to plan what she will actually wear on the wedding day. It is unlikely that she meant to offend you.
Telling your son will not help anyone's relationship- yours and his, his and hers.

Do it and don't expect her to talk to you again....
I understand that she as the bride not your daughter but FDIL would like to wear HER family heirlooms and not yours.I guess that means you don't have a daughter...
You have to try and see it from her point of view,how do you think her family would feel if she wore yours....maybe she already agreed to wear theirs so she couldn't wear yours...
Maybe she sounded annoyed with you because you pushed it on her? I wasn't there so I can't really pick sides.
Im just saying is if you confront your son about it and he tells her,don't expect for her to like you after that.....my god just think about how it will be after the wedding :/ I feel for you that you are hurt....but you must get over it,its her family jewellery she wants to wear not yours...don't be the over bearing nagging mother in law because you will lose them both...trust me.
Just accept and move on

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You may want her to wear your jewelry, but she's already chosen what she wants to wear. Don't get your feelings hurt over it. It's HER choice. As far as wedding planning is concerned, if you didn't pay for any part of the wedding, then you don't have the right to put in your two cents when it comes to wedding planning. Just go and enjoy the wedding.

She's wearing jewelry from her family because that's very meaningful to her. Your family's jewelry is only meaningful to the women in your family, so why would you think it would carry any significance to her? You're wrong in getting upset about it. This isn't your daughter getting married. Perhaps you should focus on giving your son something that would carry significance, such as a pair of cufflinks, watch or some other heirloom.

And I guess the groom is chopped liver, because it's HER day and has to be HER way, right? You know, for all the selfish bride bashing I see in here, this one should have gotten SOME, but you're all siding with the bride!

I'm not siding with anyone in this case. What you should do is NOTHING. Got that? A whole lotta nothing. Don't ask, don't push, don't apologize. You asked her to do something and she said no, ok, moving on. I can understand how important something like this would mean to you, and I'm sorry that you don't have a daughter to share it with, but fact is, she wants to wear her side, and that's all there is to it.

Don't be a tattle, don't piss and moan, just brush it off and get over it. I'm sorry that she seemed to reject you so harshly, but this is just how it is. If you tell your son, you will cause drama, period. Your son might explode claiming that he knew all along that you didn't like her, or something like that. He may resent the hell out of you for saying anything. Please, just look past this and see ahead the real damage you may cause by opening your mouth.