Me and my boyfriend play cat and mouse so much. Its our way of loving each other and its my comfort to know that he is never going to let go because when I act slightly different he automatically chases me and the same goes for me. I have always had this huge fear that once we stop playing and just be and love then we will fall apart because in my mind there would be nothing to run after. I was always scared that love just want enough that we would always need a drive or a spark. So recently my boyfriend had gotten very serious with me and my instincts and fear took over and I started running (metaphorically) I would drop hints and let him know that I still love him and that my heart is always open . And I assumed he would know because we have been literally doing this for years. He has been chasing me for a very long time and I never gave in for that and many other reasons. My fear was so strong that we would lose it but now its like we've lost it. We are both tired and drained and now we both lack trust since I denied him to his face which I've never done but it was just such a big step. I love him so much, I don't know what to do without him and sometimes its really hard for me to Express myself to him because I always assume that he is a very Strong man emotionally. And I don't want to give up, I want to see us through and become stronger and let him know that i didn't mean it and it wasn't out of my being selfish. I thought that it would save us, really.
But is this a self for filling prophecy, my because my fears were so strong that we would fall apart if we confessed our love and we actually did falter but by me not expressing myself?
P.S- I don't want you to think I am a kid or that my relationship should not be taken serious, it is serious and we have been through a lot together. We are just kind of different from most couples.
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