Thread: Do I have the right to question what my boyfriend's doing with his future and...

...making poor choices? I'm 24 years old, in nursing school and I still live with my parents. I've been dating my current boyfriend for more than 8 months and he's a year older than me and still lives at home with his father. I had met him in my nursing program but he dropped out, in hopes to switch to the RPN program and graduate earlier. It never happened because someone had to drop out in order for him to get a seat. So, he's been working at his job looking after handicap people in a home 36 hours a week and makes half decent money. We get along really well, and I like him very much. My parents like him as well, which makes it easier.

My problems is, my boyfriend talks a lot about things that just don't seem to add up. "Get rich quick." For example, in the beginning he talked to me about how much money his dad had... how much is dad was worth... and they were going to build houses up north and sell them either next year or the year following that and make all this "money". Currently his dad is fixing up the house they live in, will retire next year and is now talking about moving to Alberta. It's all over the place. My boyfriend is an only child, and comes from divorced parents and in my opinion, is spoiled. He still uses his dad's credit card for some things and his mother sends him money to his bank account. He only just moved here last year and has minimal friends. His home town is 2 hours away.

Today, his best friend moved in to his house. His best friend who is 24, unemployed, flunked out of nursing last year because he drank too much, sleeps with 18 year olds because no-one his age will date him, and lost his drivers license because he crashed into a pole and had a DUI. His friend moved down here so he could get out the 'partying' scene, find a part time job and go back to school in September. So far, tonight they're drinking beer and watching the video games. No resumes made up yet.

I'll be 25, and I feel that I'm looking for someone who I see a future with, and I'm worried with all of this going on, that it doesn't seem like there could be one. I don't know how to approach this situation, or how anyone else would handle it. I don't want him thinking I'd stick around through this, because I'm not dating someone who just wants to fuck around and not grow up. Am I out of my nut?

I feel for you, I'm dealing with a similar situation with my boyfriend. However, I think you shouldn't be so hard on your boyfriend. He has a decent job and is doing well for himself this moment and most importantly, you and your family really like him.

You're younger than him and yet mature way beyond his year, but has it not been that way our whole lives growing up? Girls are always 10 steps ahead of the men.

Also, I know what you're talking about with the "get rich quick schemes" and the big plans that never seem to happen. Every guy I've dated talks about these plans. I don't know why they do it, but it annoys me too if that makes you feel any better haha.

Your main problem now, besides the fact that your boyfriend isn't in school, is his coat tail riding friend. It's nice that he's helping him out but this guy does not seem to have any motivation and he's dragging your boyfriend down with him.

However, I hate to say it but if you start giving him ultimatums such as "get your friend out of there or were done" he might pick his friend over you. You really haven't been dating that long.

If you need anyone to talk to just email me. I hope everything works out for you.

You are not off your nut to want more than what he has to offer. In fact, it's smart of you to know that you want more.

However, it's his life to screw up, or not. You are his girlfriend of 8 months--that's not what I'd consider longterm enough to warrant you much of a say so.

When you met him he was on track to go somewhere with his life. Now he is de-railed and doesn't seem to be in any hurry to make a change.

If he cared what you think, or that you might not stick around because he is goofing around and shows no signs of any ambition, he'd do something about it. His inactivity shows you just how much your opinion and future means to him.

I'd advise you to cut your losses where he's concerned. He's a bad relationship investment. He's not the man you thought he was when you met, and the bloom is now off the rose. It's time for you to move on. Whatever feelings you had for him before you realized what a lay-about he is are not likely to return.

Focus on YOUR education and your future and do not weigh yourself down with this albatross. You are obviously a woman who values education, hard work and ambition. You will have more opportunity in your career if you don't have to consider him in your decisions--without him you will be free to think only of yourself, as he is so clearly doing.

You are young and will find someone else who is more in step with your goals and ideals. Dump him. He'll most likely live to regret it, but you'll have long since moved on.

You are not out of your nut, you are completely right. Why waste your time if this isn't going anywhere? You need to talk to him, away from his roommate, away from his rich dad, and let him know that you are serious about leaving if he's not ready to grow up and become a serious adult.

As far as his parents sending him money, that's fine, as long as he's also supporting himself. He can't control what they do, and if they allow him to spend their money, you can't stop them. I can't blame him for allowing that, because I wouldn't totally mind that myself.

As for the best friend, he only moved in today. Give him a week or so to get settled before you nag about that one.