Dilemma: You want to look sexy but not too sexy—and certainly not all the time. You're busy and have errands to run, and you can't have post office employees rubbing up in your junk like pups in heat.

So do what we do: Don't workout. Eat terribly. And only copulate with partners who promise to either ignore Cheetos-induced stretch marks or allow you to wear your RIPT FUSION t-shirt in a jacuzzi.

What's a RIPT FUSION shirt? Well it's "a classic men's undershirt injected with steroids," of course. For just $58, it'll add pecs and abs all while sucking in the flabby parts. But even more critical to society, it'll put geeks on the same playing field as jocks, the lazy on the same playing field as the obnoxiously active.

Even if the Ript Fusion is too gimmicky to make you look good, it could eventually make muscles look bad. And in the long run, that's really just as beneficial. [RIPT via Super Punch]