Thread: How long should you wait to introduce the kids to "friends"?

my daughter informed me today (on thanksgiving) of all the days.....that her mothers "friend" comes over 2-3 times a week and they go places a lot with this guy.....we have been seperated for 4 months and she has them for the majority of the time......do i have a right to be mad???? I don't care that she is seeing someone else but i'm kinda upset that they already know this guy pretty well.....and it kinda bothers me that she has moved on into a "serious relationship" this quick.(we aren't even divorced yet, we have our first court date on dec. 10th....am i just being jealous? I mean i assume it must be serious if she has introduced the kids to him. I asked my daughter if he ever stays the night and she said no.....could he just be a friend???? or is he a new guy that she is bringing around the kids???

I say absolutely NOT! She is wrong for this. My ex-husband and I go through this all the time because he already wants to introduce my 2 year old daughter to his girlfriend. He doesn't even know if hes really going to be with her...............so if I were you I'd be mad. I think you should talk with her about this and come up with some rules about the kids.........she should respect you as their father. I hope everthing works out.

You have every right to be concerned but, you also could have made your marriage work. it sounds like it stings now that you know she is not sitting at home crying over you. If you think she should wait until she gets to know a man before she introduces the kids, that is fair. It just seems that you are also worried that she is moving on period.

Since you're getting a divorce, then your wife is a free woman, and can do whatever she likes. It's up to her discretion whether she has a "friend" in her life or not.. it's no one else's choice, and we can't do anything about who our EX sees, or the choices they make

Personally, if i dated before i was even divorced, i certainly wouldn't let my kids meet the guy. And in fact, i'd be very careful about dating and introducing them to someone even after i was divorced...

You can be as angry as you want, it's not going to change anything. If you want to set a better example for your kids, then do it.

I have no idea if you are jealous -- but from where i sit, a divorce is a very emotional time, and i don't know anyone who has their lives back together BEFORE they are even divorced. The fact is, it takes at least a year (usually longer) for the average person to get their lives together after a divorce and to be prepared for another relationship.

Your ex is rebounding -- it's her life. She can screw it up any way she likes. If you're concerned about the kids, request custody of them?

I'm amazed. Most men introduce the girlfriend on the very first date if the kids are there. Obviously, she moved on from your marriage a long time ago. She's a parent. She can make her own judgments without you micromanaging her life.

Frankly I think you are more concerned about another guys taking your place in th kids life than is hers which is a normal fear but unfounded in most cases. Personally I think it best that adult relationships in divorced couples be treated about like their sex lives - something completely out of sight of the kids. Any you are dating should know you have kids but should not be seeing that person unless things are getting very serious - like planning on engagement serious.

That said - she is their mother - you are going to have to live with her choices and it is counter productive to complain or worry. Just focus on your job as a father and leave he alone - there is nothing you can do anyway without looking like a real jerk.

Best of luck.

That is hard to answer. I think what I would do is talk to her about this friend and ask why is she bringing another man around the children so soon. When I separated from my ex I would not bring a man near my children unless I felt it was something serious because it confuses them. However with that said I do have a male friend and we have been the best of friends for years and nothing is between us and I still did not bring him around my kids for a long time after our divorce. Its a matter of respect for you, her children and the way the children see her.

6 months says the therapist, to make sure it's serious. Then you ask the child if it's okay with them to meet, then if it's okay let them meet at a public place...if they come into their home it can feel like they are invading their territory. If no wait another 4-8 weeks.

You may or may not be jealous, but that does not mean you are wrong. I do not think it is right that she brings someone around the kids so soon. I guess it is questionable how long she has known this person but the fact that you have only been separated for 4 months means it is way too soon.

It probably is not as serious as you think, but it is not likely they are "friends". In fact, that is the problem the problem that I have with it. Is she going to introduce the kids to everyone that she dates even if it is not serious and she does not know the guy that well.

In your particular case, I think it should be at least a year before you are introducing the kids to your "friends". I think they need time to get use to the divorce. I think you should only introduce them to someone that you are serious about.

actually I would say a year to two its never right to trust anyone with your children...

if she wants to date shes in her right but should keep the kids apart from him until she knows him better and that takes a few years, what if they don't last is she going to continue bringing men into their lives?..

i know your jealous but that is apart from knowing she should be more responsible...