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College essay introduction help?
For my application to colleges, one of the essay topics that I chose is to explain how someone has affected you in one way or another. So, I decided to write about how my English lit teacher influenced me. Here is the introduction of what I have so far:
"Throughout my education, I must admit that many teachers have left sincere and significant impressions upon me, of which I have usually been able to take away from and apply what I have learned in miscellaneous situations. One such teacher, however, has proved to leave such a remarkable impression upon me, and has influenced me in more ways than I ever thought possible. Brother Robert Peach taught me as a junior, through his English Literature class. In our learning, in considering his lectures, and in listening to the works of one another’s inner poetry and thought, my classmates and I grew closer to the extent where we developed what I would consider close personal relationships. Despite our varied backgrounds and social groups, no one was left out, and everyone was heard. A class with this degree of fortitude is somewhat of a rarity within an all-male secondary school, and, as a result, it became remarkable to see each student drop their immature and childish attitudes upon entering this classroom; a classroom in which I, especially, established a motivation to learn, an appreciation and attraction to the world of literature, and a discipline that has assisted me in and out of the classroom."
I then plan to expand on these last three points. Do you have any tips, or revision that you'd like to mention? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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