Theduckisback

These days, safe s*x isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe"...

Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

Before unsafe s*x, think to yourself what the kids will look like.

Make sure all open sores on p*nis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

When taking four c*cks in the a*s, make sure to have an equal amount of c*ck in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.

Before fell&ting anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have A*DS, do you?"

Douse p*nis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.

You CAN get it from kissing... tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based c*ndoms.

If you must engage in unsafe s*x fun, take time out before hand to hope for the best.

Before the use of cond*ms, unroll completely and check for any holes.