Anybody for another set of one liners?

[Pointer]

There are two secrets to success: 1.) Do not reveal all your secrets.

It's not who you know, it's whom you know.

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.

Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.

I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down.

Capital punishment isn't for making examples, it's for making bad people dead.

[fanofdan]

hahahahhahahahahahahahhahaha they r clever11

[buntslever]

All made me laugh - and a star.

A banker lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back when it is raining.
A budget is just another method of worrying before you spend the money.
A cauliflower is a cabage with a college education.
A pat on the back is only a few feet away from a kick in the a*se
A child of 5 could understand this! (Get me a child of 5)
A sine curve goes off to infinity...or at least the end of the blackboard
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on
About all some men achieve is sending their son to Harvard.

(Enjoy...)