stircrazy

matter, just need to vent...? WELLLLLL, I going completely crazy. just a little info, my husband works out of town and i have two small children, all of whom i love with all of my heart. and keep in mind that i am not complaining here. just, well, i don't know. just need to say some things. this is SO hard, i'm young, 24, my oldest is five, so needless to say i never got to do much of the young social life thing. but that's not really the point. it's just, i never ever get to leave this house, i have NO friends, i don't have time to make friends. There is always sooo much to do. always running, and talking on the phone (not social) not a day goes by that i don't have an appointment of some kind, i have a two year old, so no matter what i do or where i go there is always a baby on my hip, i have had a sitter ONE time in the past 6 months. i don't get one when my husband is gone because he doesn't like me doing things without him and when he is here, he hasn't been here and he misses them, and me, so i don't get to go do anything on my own and we can't go do anything together. my landlord is really pressuring us to buy our house or find another, but our credit is not yet established, i've always been against credit cards and/or owing money which apparently was not the best move. so now i have that constantly weighing on my mind, keeping up with all the bills that seem to always come, one mistake and the electric is shut off!!! meals, breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner, taking my oldest back and forth to school and attending all of his funcions (alone) appointments at the bank where i am trying to get the loan appointments with my credit repair lawyer with a super active two year old always in tow, phone appointments, grocery shopping, doctors appointments AND doing school online trying to earn the degree i didn't get to finish when i got pregnant the first time. my oldest son's bio dad passed away last month, so the emotional AND legal issues that come with that. especially since he didn't have a will. it just NEVER EVER stops. i don't remember the last time i was able to sit down and just relax. my boys do not listen to me, and they act out ALL of the time, mainly by making as big of a mess as they can in my house, so any free time i DO have is spent cleaning up some random unnecessary mess. and i think it's MY fault, because i'm always doing everything all of the time, they are just trying to get some of my attention, throw in a needy husband that lives 100's of miles away and who needs constant reassurance that i love him and blah blah blah, and has the never ending need to spend ever one of his spare moments which are far more plentiful than mine, on the phone with me. and who gets angry when i have something else that needs to be done and who is convinced that is sit on the couch eating bon bons all day and you get one, over worked, under appreciated sad, isolated, forgotten about woman hidden deep under the title of wife and mother. if anyone made it through to the end here, then thankyou. no one's listened to me in a long time.