it seems like if a tiny thing goes wrong i fly apart. if i say something stupid (which happens alot) i get knots in my stomachand my eyes tear up and i hate myself so much i just want to stop being a menice to the world.

my boyfriend likes to joke around alot, and i know its a joke, but i cant help but make it personal. when i was younger, i always tried to put other people first. but now that im in college, ive realized tha everything i do is for myself. so i try and think of what to do that wont be selfish, but for everything that i come up with, i always counter myself with a way that it is selfish. i get mad at my boyfriend for the smallest things, then i hate myself for getting mad at him. i am a loner and only have my b/f to talk to, and he hates it when i get weepy. but i cant help it. i tried to stop, but that just resulted in nights where it all came down at once. im not sure if i can really explain what i feel, but its horrible to get angry or sad in a seconds time.