My vision is constantly distorted!

It began slightly with episodes of dissociation during times of abuse in 2002, and went full blown in 2004-2005, after my eating disorders. I have been though countless numbers of depression/anxiety/bipolar drugs, and they have all failed, even my last hope, lexapro, which worked fairly well for two years has given out on me a few months ago. I fear the regiment of trial and error with medication, and do not want to go through the painful with-drawl stages.

My vision is a very large problem that I have. I cannot drive. I am nearsighted, and now, my near and far vision is distorted. some objects are very detailed, and the rest, blurry, wavy, moving, and dulled/enhanced in color.

I have noticed that when using the substance, marijuana, to cope with my major depression, that my vision returns to its natural prescription, and that though my vision is slightly more distorted because of the drug, my vision is crystal clear with my current perception of glasses. This leads me to believe that it is NOT my eyes that have changed, but something neurological that has affected them.

My vision is very foggy, constantly, and as blurry and glazed as a donut. My vision wobbles around me, floors are wavy, bathrooms and hallways go on for ever, colors dull and heighten. The sky and backgrounds look fake, like a paining on cardboard I dissociate, and leave my body quite a lot. and hear lost of noises, not voices, but inaudible radio noises in night when I try ot sleep., and therefore have to blast the t.v. I even get mcro and micro vsion, when I feel like alice in Wonderlnad, and objects in a room get real big, or real small.

I do not want to be placed in inpatient at a hospital, I have the biggest feat of them. I ty to see doctors, but at turned down a lot because of marijuana use. I try to stop using, but the waiting periods of months and months passing the next appointment, just to talk, and no medication is even prescribed to test, makes it too hellish. I'm too depressed for these waiting periods.


I really don't know what to do. Each day is just as painful, listless, worthless, hopeless, and exceptionally depressing as the next. My thought patterns have changed. I cannot express myself anymore. I cannot think the same, write the same, and have zero sexual drive. I feel like a philosopher stuck in the body of a dog, unable to communicate, unable to say anything, or solve problems you once had. Just living like a puppet. help me, please.

(and please, no references to asking the Lord for help, or negative comments about marijuana. It's not helpful to me.)