...what my problem is? Well, this may sound utterly dumb to you, but.. I no longer enjoy days. Why? Because, I'm too aware. I've had my first times of OCD about 7 months ago, it was mild and the only times it got severe was when I followed. And now I've realized it's really my choice wether I want to do the actions, so I don't. So, rare cases of OCD these days, but however I have this annoying habit of giving thanks to God very often. When I'm eating dinner and it's something good, I keep on saying "Thank you so much God for this food" over and over throughout the whole meal. I mean, I don't think the main idea of giving thanks is OCD 'cause I'm a very thankful person but over and over? It's just a habit that if I don't do I feel odd, so when I look back at that certain time I only see "giving thanks" through the glass walls.. I can't enjoy moments if I don't give thanks my mind is just empty which my weird life doesn't like.. If I try to just EAT and savor this moment when I look back that's what I see my TRYING just to enjoy a moment I mean it's like there's something in my head I fear I have a cyst in the way of the brains "natural ways" to enjoy life or some other thing in my brain. I mean I'm soo confused I don't know what exactly the real deal is when I look onto really important things that I really want to enjoy and when I look back it's so beautiful.. not a chance.. I can just see from now that, just like today I'll spend my day, doing things while, there's that little message in the back of my head as usual saying "I'm still here!! As usual." I don't even know wtff.. I can never enjoy life and I can't even explain what the deal is..

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Additional Info:
I'm an Aquarian & as for the OCD my type was I just HAD to check my pants pockets before I went to bed.. I just HAD to put all my clothes away neatly, I just HAD to straighten all the shoes, and, the most weirdest whenever I had a certain thought that I deeply DON'T want to happen and I'm doing something I re-do what I was doing because keeping that thought and just letting it go makes me think it WILL happen.. now, only the thought OCD is still up..

Omg..

Sometimes I just hold my face.. my brain is so jacked up right now and I can't think straight.......................................... ......................................